The Scrapbook Memories
by Tinkalinka
Summary: Every summer Edward leaves London to visit his aunt and uncle in Scotland. These summer-stays are the happiest moments in his life. That is until a certain boy seems to avoid him when he visits. A scrapbook filled with photos, takes Edward down memory lane. Can it also give him some answers?
1. Chapter 1

A/N

Hi there and welcome to my first long fanfiction story. I haven't written fiction in more than 20 years, but all these fantastic J/E-stories, made me want to try.

I was actually going to finish another story first, but then these two boys would not leave me alone until I began their story.

I have already written most of it (11 chapters / around 28.000 words), so I hope I will be able to update once or maybe twice a week in the beginning. The length of the chapters varies, depending on how much Edward has to say. It is an EPOV story, but maybe Jasper will tell his version of some events later on… let me know if you would be interested.

English is not my mother tongue, but I read a lot in English, and I use a spelling and grammar programme on my computer, and hope the writing is bearable. Please let me know, if I continuously make some errors... I would like to keep them as few as possible.

I do not have a beta, so all errors are my own.

...

This story in not suitable for readers under 18, as it contains strong language and lemons. So please find your entertainment elsewhere.

I do not own Twilight or its characters, Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to take them out to play.

Flashbacks are written in italic.

* * *

**Chapter One**

**July 2010**

My mother never understands why I prefer the 4½ hour train ride to Scotland when we can easily afford the plane; but it is part of my childhood memories, taking the train, when going on my summer visits to aunt Esme and uncle Carlisle. I also like to have the time to prepare myself for the rather different life style up there compared to the one I lead here in London. The non-stressful train ride, give me that.

I find myself seated in a compartment next to single travellers, amongst them an elderly woman. She reminds me of Miss Marple, and I hope she is not as chatty as she looks. It turns out she is, but she is actually rather sweet. She informs me, she is paying her daughter and grandchildren in Glasgow a visit.

When she is about to show me the pictures she has in her purse, I curse myself for getting involved, but I am utterly amazed when she names the people and points to the second woman in the photo.

"… and that's my daughter in law Tanya. People were a little against it when they first found out about my daughter being a lesbian, but I just gained another wonderful daughter," she says. I smile at her and tell her the family look nice and figure she is not as old fashioned as she looks.

We keep talking, and she even offers me some of her home baked scones. I rarely get homemade food in London, so I appreciate it.

My thoughts wander to Jasper, whom I am about to see in only a few hours from now. Maybe Mary, as her name is, can give me some advice regarding my blonde angel. She hears my story and tells me to follow my heart – even if it gets broken along the way.

I am none the wiser how true those words will become at the end of my annual summer stay.

...

When we arrive at the station where I need to get off, I say my goodbyes to Mary and she wishes me good luck.

I search the platform for a familiar face – one in particular. I am never sure who will pick me up and drive me to my aunt's home. When I was a kid, it was always Esme and Carlisle themselves, later on, it was Mr Whitlock and Jasper, but last year, it had been Charlie, their manager and his daughter Bella. I spot Charlie and the rover at once, it being a very small station. There is no sign of Jasper or Bella this year…just Charlie.

"Good to have you back Edward," he greets me while reaching out for my bags.

"Good to see you too Charlie," I reply.

Charlie doesn't speak much, which is sometimes a blessing, since I don't really know what to talk with him about besides his interest in fishing.

"Bella's back at the house…trouble with one of the foals…but, she's looking forward to seeing you," he says.

I just smile back. Charlie doesn't mention anything about Jasper, but I hope the reason why he is not here in the car with us, is because he is helping out with said foal.

I cannot wait to see him again. He wasn't here last summer when I stayed, because he was visiting his father's family back at their ranch in Texas.

Charlie stays quiet for the rest of our ride, and I try to calm the butterflies occupying my stomach.

"Edward, my darling boy, how you have grown…let me look at you…oh, you look quite like a young man now…I must stop calling you my darling boy. Has anyone caught your heart yet…tell me all about what you've been up to. How's your mother?" Esme continues to babble and hugs me while leading me into the heart of their home - the kitchen.

Esme is my mother's sister, and she is everything my mother Elizabeth is not: patient, loving, funny but most of all, she has that special mother gene; needing to look out for everyone!

As a child, I always dreamed of being Esme and Carlisle's son, instead of Elizabeth and John's.

My father died when I was only five years old and my mother went through boyfriends and husbands like there is no tomorrow.

When I was six, she sent me to boarding school, and even though I felt lonely and unloved, I figured it was better than living with my flight mother.

She is now into husband number five, Aro, an Italian businessman. They live in Florence, and she rarely leaves now. I visit now and then, but what makes my year, is the annual summer months I spend up here with the people I really love.

Esme and Carlisle have modernized the house, or rather mansion, over the years, and their small businesses earn them enough money to maintain the place. Esme raises horses and Carlisle makes scotch.

The house is huge, and there are enough rooms for me to have my own.

Apart from Charlie, the manager of the grounds, there is Sue, the cook and housekeeper. I think Charlie has a thing for her, and I cannot blame him, since everyone knows, the way to win a man's heart is through good home cooking. Sue is the best cook I have ever come across. I speak from experience; having wined and dined all the fancy places, my mother has taken me.

I always gain a few pounds during my summer stays up here.

To help Esme with the horses, they hired Mr Whitlock 12 years ago. He origins from Texas, but took his six year old son, Jasper, and his sweetheart, the au pair of his family, back home to Scotland when she got homesick.

The last couple of years, they have added more staff to the household or as Esme would say: her family.

A few years ago, Jacob came to help with the horses. He is in his early twenties and has had a rough youth, but he is very good around horses. It seems like he has some kind of secret way to communicate with them.

I have never really been comfortable around horses, and as a child, I preferred following Carlisle in the distillery instead. I still love the smell of oak and malted barley. The taste is a different matter. Even though I turned 18 this spring, and am allowed to buy and drink the stuff, it doesn't really appeal to me. However, Carlisle always tells me, it will come to me when I get older and appreciates old things!

Some years I see new faces around the place, but it is the regular people, I love and consider my family.

After greeting Sue, who is preparing our dinner, I hug Esme and tell her we can chat later, and I excuse myself.

...

I find my room ready for me. The bed is made, and I spot a new patchwork throw Esme must have made since my last stay. I drop my bags on the floor, and go to the open window and inhale the fresh air. I take deep breaths to calm my nerves.

I still haven't seen or even heard Jasper's name mentioned. It worries me, and I think back at my miserable stay last year without seeing him at all.

I try to think positive thoughts since I haven't seen Bella either. They are probably tending the horse I heard about, I reassure myself.

After I have freshened up in the en suite bathroom, I head downstairs. I will go looking for my friends, my only real friends, in a moment, but first I go to greet Carlisle and find him together with Esme in their living room. He gives me a fatherly hug and we talk about what I have been up to the last year. I tell them about my new flat in London and the courses I am taking at the university.

I study to take a BA in English and American literature in some years. I love to read, so that's why I chose literature and not law as Aro and my mother strongly suggested.

It feels like coming home talking to the sweetest people I know, and I never find myself as happy as I am when visiting. I have even made some secret research about transferring to the University of Glasgow next semester in order to be closer to the people I love.

Before I found Alice, I was very lonely in London. She has become my confident and a close friend during our short friendship, and I would miss her tremendously if I leave London, but then again…she could always follow me. I bet they have a fashion line op here, like in London.

During my talk with Carlisle and Esme, the door suddenly springs open and I find myself jumped by Bella.

"Edward, you're back," she wines.

I swirl her around and she grips hold of my upper arms, "… and you've muscles. Do you work out now?"

I admit to lift some weights at home, but that's about it. I always loose interest in running after a few weeks.

She grabs my hand and drags me out of the room while my aunt and uncle laugh at her outbursts.

I have known Bella all my life, her living at the house with her father Charlie. She always hung around when Jasper and I played as kids. In the beginning, we were not keen on her wanting to play along, her being a girl. However, we soon found out, she was more of a tom girl than a girlie girl. She never wore dresses – always jeans and sneakers like Jasper and I.

Still holding my hand, she drags me out of the house and down to the small lake behind the house. During my stays, this is the place we all used to hang out. We find our favourite tree and sit down on the soft grass.

"Wow, you've really grown this year," she says while rumpling my hair.

"…but the hair's still a bloody mess," she continues.

I laugh and reply, "Well, I still haven't found a styling product to deal with this hay stack."

"…or a person it would seem?" she adds laughing, but I see her searching for some answers in my eyes while joking.

If I was into girls and she did not feel more like the sister I never had, I would without a doubt, be into Bella. Apart from Alice, she is the only girl with whom I feel myself at ease.

We lay ourselves down on the grass and stare up in the clear blue sky. We are both quiet for a moment, but I cannot wait any longer. I need to know why Jasper hasn't joined us.

"Where's Jasper?" I ask her, dreading the answer.

"He's not here, and I'm not sure if he'll be back before you return to London."

I turn my head to look at her, and can tell she sees I am devastated.

"He's in Texas again, working at his uncle's ranch. Ed, if I didn't know better, I would think he's avoiding you, him being away last summer too. What happened between the two of you two years ago?"

I have never told anyone, apart from Alice this spring, about my feelings for Jasper, but I think Bella might know I feel more than just friendship towards our mutual friend.

I close my eyes and take some deep breaths trying to cope with the unhappy news. Is he avoiding me? – Well he must be…and there is nothing I can do about it when there is an ocean between us!

"You love him, don't you?" She asks.

"Yeah, like I love you Bells," I joke.

"No, not like you love me Eddie!" I hate when she uses my childhood nickname.

She continues, "You're IN love with him, and I bet he doesn't know, or he might suspect since he's avoiding seeing you."

I don't answer.

"Does he know…have you talked to him?"

I look at her and shake my head. I am afraid if I speak, I will start crying. Bella hugs me for several minutes, and my breathing becomes steady, but we still don't talk. She leaves and tells me to call for her when I am ready to talk.

I go up to my room and bury my head in the pillows. Fuck, is it that obvious? Who else know about my feelings towards Jasper? Maybe it is only Bella, since she knows me better than anyone, apart from Jasper, of course.

There are two hours until dinner, so I take a nap and hope I will be feeling better when I wake up. At least there is Sue's cooking to looking forward to.

...

When I wake up an hour later, I unpack my bags and place my clothes in the closet.

I have brought some books and personal items along with me, and I open a drawer to place them there.

In the bottom of one of the drawers, I find a photo album – the one with pictures from all my summer stays. On the cover is printed _My Childhood Memories, _in gold letters.

Every summer, Esme takes many photos while I stay. She even sends copies to my mother, but I have never seen them around her place.

Esme selects what she calls _the highlights of my stay_, inserts around 10 pictures from each year and write some comments on the 2-3 pages they occupy in the album.

There is only a few empty pages left…two or three more years of snap shots, and then it is full.

The first pages contain photographs of my early visits when my mother and father came to show me to Esme and Carlisle. Esme, not able to have any children herself, adored me. That is more than you could say about my mother.

I eagerly turn the pages until I reach the ones from the summer I first met Jasper.

* * *

A/N

That's the first chapter. Next chapter will be up in the weekend or maybe even before that.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N

Thanks for the reviews - very much appreciated.

...

I do not have a beta, so all errors are my own.

This story in not suitable for readers under 18, as it contains strong language and lemons. So please find your entertainment elsewhere.

I do not own Twilight or its characters, Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to take them out to play.

...

Flashbacks are written in italic.

* * *

I turn the pages until I reach the ones from the summer I first met Jasper.

…

**Chapter Two**

**July and August 2010. **

I still remember the day we met for the first time as if it was yesterday.

That spring I had just turned six and Esme told me there would be a new boy and his family living and working at the house. She also told me to be kind to the boy, because some of the kids from the village had teased him, because of his Texan accent. I loved watching western movies, so I could not wait to meet a real cowboy.

Esme encouraged me to go and introduce myself, and so I did.

I found him by the lake, the place that for the years to come became our favourite place to be.

"_Hi Jasper, I'm Edward, we're going to be great friends," I said to his back. I would not normally act so casual, but somehow seeing him so at ease in the nature made me relax and I had promised Esme to be nice._

"_I think so too," he replied after checking me out. "I'll call you Eddie and you can call me Jaz. Have you seen the size of those fish?"_

We spend all our days together that summer; running around, fishing, playing hide and seek and sometimes we included Bella in our games.

I look at one of the photographs closely. Esme has captured a moment of true joy. The three of us laughing so hard we hold our stomachs. I cannot remember the joke anymore, but smile when I think about that day. We were an odd trio: Jasper with his blue eyes and golden curls, Bella with her dark brown hair and eyes, and me with green eyes and reddish brown hair.

…

I turn a few pages and stop at one where we are 11 years old. Jasper and I sit in the opening of a tent near the lake. We convinced Esme we wanted to camp and sleep outside, and Charlie raised a tent for us. Bella wanted to join us, but we told her there was no room for her. Of course, she could easily have fit in, tiny as she was, but this time we wanted some boy's time.

Before we went to sleep that night, we talked about school, movies we had seen and books we had read. Jasper did not read much, but when he did, it was always old history books about the battles of the American Civil War. His dad had even taken him to some of the historical sites back home.

_We lie in our sleeping bags listening to all the odd sounds coming from nature by night. The only lightning we have comes from an old flashlight on the ground between us._

_After a few moments of silence, I figure Jasper has fallen asleep, but he suddenly breaks the silence._

"_Eddie, can I ask you something?"_

"_Sure," I say, feeling a bit awkward since Jasper never asks if he can ask questions. He usually just asks me about anything._

"_Okay…have you ever, you know…had a wet dream?"_

_I do not know what to say to him. Of course, I know what he is talking about, because the boys in my dormitory often joke about having them, and a few months ago, I actually had one myself. Even though my roommates use to brag about it, all I felt was slightly confused. Mostly because it hadn't been girls who had brought it on, but a memory from the summer the year before, where Jasper and I went swimming in the lake._

_I still haven't given him an answer, and before I get the courage to do so, he continues. He tells me he has had some wet dreams this spring while dreaming of Jessica, a popular girl from his class. I tell him I have them too - about a sister of one of my roommates. "Nice!" he says._

_I am relieved he does not ask for any details about the specific dream, or said sister, since I do not have a back-up plan._

"_Dad says it's perfectly normal and part of growing up. Maybe you could talk to __Carlisle about it 'cause you don't have a dad, Eddie?"_

"_Yeah, maybe," I say, not really feeling comfortable having a sex-talk with my uncle._

We did not speak of wet dreams or girls the rest of the summer, just fooled around like the boys we were.

…

I close the album and leave it on my bed. Then I go down to meet all the familiar faces – save one.

We always have big Saturday dinners and tonight is no difference. There is a lively chat around the table and everyone is interested in hearing about my life in London. Afterwards people hang around for coffee, scotch or whatever until it is late and time to call it a night.

I say goodnight to them all and see Jasper's parents to the door on my way to the stairs. His parents live in a small cottage close by the big house. Jasper lives with them, but tonight they walk home alone.

I am glad when I enter my quite room. It has been a long day, and I am exhausted.

I do my nightly routine and go to bed, but sleep will not come to me.

After half an hour of tossing and turning under my sheets, I get out of bed and grab the album from the chair next to the bed, and continue my journey down memory lane.

…

The photos from the year after the tent episode are of Bella and me alone. Jasper went home to visit his family in Texas that summer. I remember missing him terribly, and the pictures from that year are few.

Photos from the following year show the happy trio once more.

We are now 13 and we have grown into a bunch of limp arms and legs on weedy torsos. I even have a gigantic pimple in the middle of my forehead in one of the photos.

I remember Jasper joking about it claiming attention from my reddish hair.

Looking back now, I think I know what might have caused it in the first place. I never had pimples on my flawless skin, but that spot, was a pure stress symptom!

One day during my stay, Carlisle had summoned me to his private office in the distillery.

"_Well Edward," he begins looking at me with a strange look on his face. I fear I am in for a serious talk. Has something happened to my mother? Have I done something to upset him? All kind of thoughts passes by in slow motion._

_We sit across each other at his desk, and I can see he is fumbling with his hands and searching for the right words._

"_You have just turned 13, a wonderful age, a trying age though, an age where you also start wondering about a lot of stuff!" he continues. _

_I sense he is hoping I know what he is talking about so this awkward discussion can end sooner rather than later, but I am still confused, and let him continue._

"_You know you can ask me anything, right? I mean you haven't had any fatherly discussions, and somehow I can't picture your mother telling you about the things a young man, like yourself, need to know. Am I right?"_

_Oh, it suddenly dawns on me… we are having the sex-talk, and now it is me, who am fumbling with the hem of my T-shirt._

_I give Carlisle a sign to go on and he starts telling about hormones, body hair, girls, condoms, masturbation and I do not know what. Somehow, it is too much and I daze off while I just watch his moving lips. _

_After what feels like hours, he stops and looks very pleased with himself._

"_So, you can always come to me with questions like that in the future, Edward."_

_I just nod at him even though I have not heard the last part of his talk, and I leave his office._

_When I close the door, I can hear him saying, "Th__at went well, I think…"_

_The following days after our "talk" I think about if I should tell Carlisle about my suspicions about liking boys, well one boy in particular. However, I decide against it._

Looking back all these years later, I am almost certain that talk caused the spot!

I close the album and put it back in the drawer and go to sleep.

…

Next day Bella shows me all the changes they have made to the stables and the new horses bred during my absence.

We talk with Jacob while he is tending a horse, and I notice the way Bella's behaviour changes. She seems nervous and not quite like the calm person she usually is.

When we are alone later in the day, I ask her if she fancies Jacob. The way she blushes, tells me all I need to know. She asks me not to joke about it in front of others or even worse tell Jacob about her crush.

I assure her I would never do anything like that, but ask why she simply does not tell him. I have seen the way he secretly glares at her when she walks by, so the odds are good.

"I'll tell him, if you tell Jasper," She dares me.

"Not going to happen, when he's not around," I reply.

"You still haven't told me about what happened that summer," Bella says while searching for some clues.

"That's because I'm not really sure myself," I add.

I have a hunch, but I cannot be sure, but I do not tell Bella that, not yet.

…

The days turn into weeks, and I adapt to the feeling of Jasper not being around. I miss seeing him and being around him like crazy, but being with Bella, Esme and Carlisle, is the next best company I can get.

August has been very wet this year, and when I am not helping around, I stay in my room reading the works of Charles Dickens. Somehow, it comforts me to read about other people's misfortunes!

One day when the longing for Jasper is unbearable, I remember the photo album. There are still photos in it I haven't seen during my current stay. I get it from the drawer and sit on my bed, not knowing if seeing his glorious smile will make me feel better or even worse. I overcome the fear and turn the pages to where I left off.

There is a gap between the visits from when I was 13 to the one when I am 15.

* * *

A/N

Flashbacks in this chapter: the summers of 1998, 2003, 2004 and 2005.

...

I am glad readers still appriciate J/E-stories.

If you have come across some long (20.000), great E/J-stories (besides the ones on my favorite list) please send me a tip. I would love to read some new ones.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N

Thanks for the reviews, favs. and follows - very much appreciated.

Also thanks to those of you who suggested great E/J-stories.

...

I do not have a beta, so all errors are my own.

This story in not suitable for readers under 18, as it contains strong language and lemons. So please find your entertainment elsewhere.

I do not own Twilight or its characters, Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to take them out to play.

...

Flashbacks are written in italic.

* * *

There is a gap between the visits from when I was 13 to the one when I am 15.

…

**Chapter Three**

**July and August 2010 **

Right before I turned 14, my mother married Aro, and that summer she insisted upon me spending my summer with them; cruising the Mediterranean Sea. I protested all I could, but at no course.

It was the worst summer of my life!

I remember how disappointed Jasper sounded when I called to say I would not be joining him that summer.

My mother soon regretted dragging me along as I sulked most of the holiday. I spend my time reading below deck, longing for the better company in the cooler north. I did not like the bright sun and my skin does not agree very well with any sun at all.

The photos in the album from the following hot and sunny summer, is a living proof of that.

While Jasper's skin turns into a beautiful caramel tone, which makes his blue eyes pop even more, mine turn all red.

I smile when I see a photo, where my face is reddish next to the caramel tanned Jasper.

I let a finger move along his pretty face, and trace his untamed golden curls. They look even lighter due to the expose of the sun.

I remember that summer particularly well, because of the sun.

…

We both turned 15 that year and even though we do not keep in touch during the year and did not see each other the year before; we easily catch up.

I like that thing about Jasper. He is so at ease and a living in the moment kind of person.

During that summer, he told me about how he finally kissed Jessica at the school dance, but did not go into further details. In addition, I did not ask for any.

Any other boy at my age should probably have been more curious, but somehow I felt more confused and also a little hurt, that he had experienced his first kiss.

I had never kissed a girl, and did not intend to do so either. If I wanted to, I could always practice with Bella, I thought.

_It is the hottest day during my summer stay, and we go for a swim in the lake. I am wearing a thick layer of sun block and a T-shirt to protect my sensitive skin. _

_After the refreshing dive, we let the air dry our bodies in the shade of our tree. Jasper lies on his back with his eyes closed and I keep staring at his well-known features. After studying him a while, I conclude he is the most beautiful person I have seen. I have never seen a girl who can compete. I am not sure you are supposed to think your best friend is beautiful, and I decide I better not let him know._

_Later, sunbeams irritate my eyes and I figure we must have drifted off. I wake Jasper and tell him we better seek the shade and get something cold to drink._

_We go to Jasper's house and in the fridge; he grabs a jug of homemade iced tea. We bring it along with some glasses and apples to his room._

_While we play a computer game, I suddenly feel the skin on the back of my neck burning._

_Jasper notices my discomfort and asks if a mosquito has bitten me. _

_It does not feel like a bug bite, so I tell him to take a closer look even thought I feel nervous about having him this close._

"_Fuck, Ed, your neck and neckline are as red as a boiled lobster," he says while pulling the hem of my T-shirt down to gain a better look._

"_You must have forgotten to put sun block up there, and we were lying in the sun before we awoke."_

_He might be right, and I blame myself for the itching pain I am now feeling._

"_Do not itch," he says. "I know what you need instead."_

_He goes to his window shelf and breaks a leaf of a plant. He shows me the gel inside the plant, and tells me to take my T-shirt off so he can spread some of the liquid on my sunburn._

_I feel a bit shy taking my T-shirt off in his room even though he has seen my upper body on several occasions this hot summer. Somehow, it just seems more intimate because I am sitting on his bed while undressing._

_He takes some gel from the plant on his fingers and with the lightest touch, he spreads the gel on my heated skin._

_I gasp and shiver at the same time. _

"_Don't move," he says._

_I am not sure I could move, even if my life depended on it._

_I have never felt anything like it, and I do not know if I want him to continue or stop. _

_He does stop for a second, and I already miss his gentle touch. However, not many seconds later, I feel his fingers at my lower back – just above the waistline of my shorts. _

"_What are you doing?" I ask him with a shaky voice, hoping he cannot hear I am surprised as well as aroused._

"_It looks like your T-shirt and shorts didn't quite meet when we slept. You have a thin red line where they parted as well."_

"_Right here," he says as I feel his gel covered fingers tracing a line at the lowest of my back._

_I gasp at his touch and feel myself getting hard. I am glad I am facing away from him, and prey he does not see the tent I am sporting in my shorts._

_I know he is only touching me in a medical way, but I find myself thinking his gentle touch feels more like caresses._

_Jasper's quiet for a moment, like he is having deep thoughts, but then he breaks the silence by presenting me with the leaf stalk and introductions on how to apply the aloe vera gel myself, before I go to bed. He tells me he brought the plant home with him from Texas, and that his aunt had told him about its healing effect on sunburned skin._

_Not that Jasper would ever have any need of it with the Scottish sun, but he made it grow into a beautiful plant, none the less._

_At night sitting on my bed, I think of Jasper's fingers caressing my lower back earlier that day, while applying some more aloe vera gel. I can feel myself harden again as I trace my finger along the very same place._

_I take my pyjama bottoms off, and since I never wear underwear when I sleep, my hard cock immediately pops free. I do think it has grown a bit in length, and wonder how big my cock will be when I am grown up._

_I use what is left of the gel on my fingers as lube. It makes a nice change for the spit or shower gel I have come accustomed to use, when jerking off. _

_I spread the gel on the length of my now fully aroused cock and add some of the pre-cum I gather at the tip with my thump. I grab firmly around my length, making long strokes and twisting my hand at the top, while I picture Jasper's hands on my back. My hand moves faster and it only takes a few more strokes before I come harder than ever before._

_I moan loudly and shoot long streams of cum on my chest. When I come down from my highs, I register cum did not land on the sheets or blankets, thank god. I would not want Esme to witness my nightly activities. _

_I go the bathroom and take a washcloth to clean my chest. I take a good look at my reflection in the mirror and wonder if I will ever be able to look at Jasper without having this episode in mind._

…

Just the thought of this little incident years ago, makes my cock itch and before long I am tenting my pyjamas bottoms - just like I did then.

I haven't jerked off during my stay this summer. I haven't even had the urge to do it… but now I really need to get the relaxing feeling I know a release will bring my body and mind.

I go to the bathroom and turn on the shower. I usually jerk off every morning in the shower at home, so it does not take me long to find the right position and strokes that will make me come.

I add some shower gel to my hand as I forgot to bring the lube from my drawer with me. Once more, I think of Jasper's fingers at my lower back while I stroke with a firm hand.

During the years, I have made a few fantasies to choose from while jerking off. They all contain Jasper and I. Some are rather innocent - others are not!

Since I haven't seen him in two years, I try to imagine what he is looking like now.

My cock twists and thick sprays of cum paint the wet tiles in the shower corner. My whole body is shaking and I can hardly stand while I come harder than I have in a long time. I steady myself with a hand on the wall, and watch while the evidence of my little solo session run down the wall and mix with the water and soap on the floor tiles, before running out.

"Fuuuuck!" I sigh while catching my breath.

I hope the sound of the water running, drowned my moans and my calling out Jasper's name.

I get back to bed relaxed and sleepy, and remind myself not to skip my morning sessions the rest of my stay.

Before I go to sleep, my thoughts return to the rest of the summer that year.

…

_The rest of the hot summer, I hide my now known feelings for Jasper. _

_It is not easy when all I really want to do is to reach out and touch him._

_We do touch each other, but only in ways like all teenage boys do; we push each other, give high fives etc. However, I long for some more intimate kind of touches._

_I often find myself staring at him, but I do not think he catches me or even notices I behave differently when we are together._

_When my visit is over and it is time for me to return to London, he gives me a hug at the station platform and I secretly inhales his glorious scent while hugging him back. I wish I had dared to steal one of his worn T-shirts, so I could bring his scent back home with me._

…

When I awake the next morning, I feel relaxed and well rested and even skip the jerking off session.

Instead, I eat a full breakfast and help Carlisle with some typography for a new scotch label. The day runs by and before I know it, it is late in the afternoon.

After a pleasant dinner, I excuse myself and go to my room.

I have had a good day today all considering.

I am still none the wiser about the real reason as to why Jasper could be avoiding my presence.

Therefore, I decide to turn some more pages in the photo album hoping to get some clues.

Maybe he does know I am in love with him and cannot cope with the thought of his best friend longing for him.

...

I turn the pages until I get to the ones I still haven't seen during my current stay.

* * *

A/N

Flashbacks in italic to the summer of 2007


	4. Chapter 4

A/N

Thanks for the reviews, dear readers.

This is a rather short chapter, but we will get a few clues to why Jasper might be avoiding Edward…

Enjoy!

* * *

I turn the pages until I get to the ones I still haven't seen during my current stay.

**... **

**Chapter Four**

**August 2010 **

In the photos, we are 16 years old and we have both grown a great deal compared to the photos I went through last night.

Jasper's upper body had started gaining some muscles from helping Jacob with the horses after school. In one photo, he is wearing a tight white t-shirt and it clings to his slim waist and shows a flat stomach. I linger with the photo for some time and think about jerking off, but I need to look for evidence in the photos, so I turn the page instead.

The next pages hold group pictures of me, Bella, Jasper, Jacob, Emmet and Rosalie. Em and Rose stayed at the house that summer. Both of them had just turned 21 and were earning some money for a trip to Canada. Esme and Carlisle sometimes hire extra staff when needed. Esme and Carlisle treated them more like family than staff.

Emrose, as Jasper nicknamed them, were completely mad about one another and I for one was a close witness to that; living next door to their bedroom.

I often heard their nightly activities through the rather thick walls.

Sometimes the head of their bed even banged against my wall.

_The first morning I meet Em in the hallway after not being able to get much sleep, he smiles a big goofy smile at me._

"_Sorry for the noise last night."_

"_Oh, that's alright," I blush._

"_Hope we did not keep you awake, but then again, maybe we just added some spice to your solo activities?" he jokes and continues, "I wouldn't blame you for picturing my Rose while getting off… She is some hot woman!"_

_I do not know what to say. Firstly, I am nervous about if they can hear me when I jerk off in my room, and secondly I cannot very well tell him, that Rose does absolutely nothing for my libido! _

_Himself on the other hand, well that is a completely different matter…_

_The noises Em makes, while Rose is probably giving him head, I pretend comes from Jasper's sexy mouth while I jerk him off. Therefore, he is right - their lovemaking do spice my solo sessions._

…

_One afternoon just at the end of my stay, Jasper and I tend to the horses, as we hear moans coming from one of the stables in the back. I have a good feeling about whom they might come from, but I feel too shy to tell Jasper about my hunch._

_Instead, he smirks at me and urges me to follow him to where the sounds are coming from._

_We enter the stable ever so slowly and hide in one of the boxes._

_Only a few feet away, Em is fucking Rose from behind up against a stable door._

_I look at Jasper and he is fixated on the show before him. He looks mesmerized and lust shines from his eyes. I must admit, I am a bit aroused myself. Watching Em's muscular back and the way his arse clinch every time he drill's Rose from behind, is a remarkable sight. _

_Rose moans and encourages him to push harder, and her rather large tits bangs back and forth with every push he makes._

_Em is saying something to Rose. I cannot make it out other than he says something about a peep show._

_A few minutes later, they both come and Em bends his upper body over Rose's back while he screams a number of fucks._

_Rose turns around and they kiss passionately while Em lets his fingers glide through her golden hair._

_Jasper looks completely shocked, and I can see his shorts cannot hide how turned on he is by the show we have just witnessed. I have a hard time hiding my own arousal for him, but I think I manage._

_During the summer, Jasper has talked a lot about Rose's fine features and I can only assume he enjoyed seeing more of them up close._

_We sneak away before Em and Rose notice our presence and I can see Jasper has a hard time walking without adjusting himself._

_When we are out of reach, he looks at me and says "Fuck that was hot! Better than any of the porn magazines Jacob lends me."_

_I did not know Jasper read porn magazines and it hurt me thinking about him jerking off to big tits and pussies._

_I look at him and nod. I do not really know what to say. Both turned on by watching Emrose in action, but I doubt the hard ones in our shorts are caused by lust for the same sex._

I close the album and recall a line from Rose some days later when we stumbled into each other in the hallway.

_She asks about whether we had enjoyed the free show._

_I blush from head to toe while she continues "Yes, he is a sight to behold, my Monkey man!" and then she leaves with a smile on her face._

…

I still haven't found any reasons as to why Jasper suddenly felt different about my company.

Nevertheless, I do recall him behaving differently towards me the days to follow the free show, as Rose called it.

Maybe he was just embarrassed about me seeing him hard. If only he knew how many hard ones you literally, face on a daily basis at boarding school!

Not that I was ever interested in touching or God forbid suck any of the boys back at school, but later on, I did not turn all of them down when they were willing to lend a hand. Riley had a very nice hand and he never expected me to return the favours. I recall him getting off himself just by touching me alone.

If I did not know better, I would think Jasper's change could have something to do with an incident later on that free-show-day. But then again, Jasper never knew about me being in his room at the time.

…

The next pages in the scrapbook, holds no pictures of Jasper. They are from last summer, and he had gone to Texas for the whole summer.

I can easily recall how disappointed I felt when I arrived and found out he was not there.

As always, we never communicate very much outside my visits.

We could call, email or text each other, but somehow our friendship is so connected to my summer visits, that we always find it hard to keep in touch outside of those two annual months.

I did get a Christmas card from his family and a card for my birthday that year, but it did not hold anything other than the usual greeting.

It certainly did not mention he was not going to be around in the summer.

* * *

A/N  
Flashbacks in italic are to the summer of 2008

...

Oh, what happened in Jasper's room? We're still to find out…

Next chapter will be up soon, it's short too, but then I promise the following chapters will be longer.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N

Thanks for the reviews, favorites and alerts. It means a lot to me to know you are out there...

...

I do not have a beta, so all errors are my own. I hope they are bearable.

This story in not suitable for readers under 18, as it contains strong language and lemons. So please find your entertainment elsewhere.

I do not own Twilight or its characters, Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to take them out to play.

…

This is the shortest chapter of the story… sort of an intermission.

That's why I will upload chapter six together with this one, so you don't have to wait a week.

Rest assured… Jasper will appear very soon, but not in this chapter.

* * *

It certainly did not mention he was not going to be around in the summer.

…

**Chapter Five**

**August 2010 **

I close the album, take a long shower and join the others for breakfast.

Afterwards I go for a walk on the lands owned by my family, thinking about what happened between last summer and the present.

…

_Not seeing Jasper for a year was more than my 17-year-old mind could take.  
__I felt utterly heartbroken even though I hadn't experienced real reciprocated love.  
__If it was not for Alice whom I met at my student job at the university library, I do not know what I would have done._

_In the autumn after the non-eventful summer stay, I moved to a small flat in Notting Hill and started at University of London, as one of their youngest students. __Many of my new fellow students seemed eager to get to know me, but I did not spend much time socializing. I mainly went to my lectures, a few study groups or worked at the library._

_The only person I spent private time with, was Alice.  
__She never made a pass at me, even though most people thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend as we often were seen arriving and leaving university together, and spend many afternoons together in cafes._

_Some weeks into our growing friendship, she just popped the unavoidable question "Are you gay, Edward?"  
__I did not feel like hiding something so important about my life for her, so I just nodded.  
_"_I thought so… Okay, let's go shopping like girls and their gay friend always do in the movies," she giggled and dragged me along to Harvey Nichols and Harrods._

_Time with Alice was easy._

_We talked about fashion, art, literature and cute boys of course.  
__She tried to set me up more than once with gay-students from her fashion classes, but I never went. One day she asked if there was someone special in my life, since I always turned her suggested dates down._

_I thought about Jasper every single day, but I had never let Alice believe there was more than friendship between Jasper and I, whenever I told her about my annual summer visits up north._

_One rainy Sunday afternoon while we drank tea on my couch, I told Alice everything.  
__Alice was a god listener even though I could see her squirm in her seat whenever she would have liked to comment my story, or for me to tell more about a specific episode. __When I had told her all there was to know right up until this summer, I somehow felt relieved about having someone to share my pain._

_From the things I told her about my annual summer visits, Alice could tell; it was not just Jasper, I missed in Scotland.  
__It made me wish I had brought the photo album Esme is making, home with me. __I would have loved to show Alice all the people I had told her about, but most of all I would have loved to see Jasper for myself._

_I could describe him with my eyes closed, but I missed seeing his face for real. If seeing him for real were not an option, a photo would have helped. _

…

I never take any photos myself during my summer stays, and the ones Esme sends to my mother once a year, I never get. I doubt my mother takes the time placing them in an album like Esme does.

…

_I deeply wished, I had asked my mother for the photos. Then I would have had a chance to see his pretty face whenever I wanted outside the visits._

_Throughout the year, Alice often tempted me into contacting Jasper, but I never did. Somehow, I convinced myself to give him the space he needed. Truth is, if he was avoiding me on purpose, I was not sure I would be able to handle it._

_Still, I waited with patience for Esme's phone call, inviting me to their home for my annual summer stay._

_When she called in May, I did not give her a yes right away, but told her I would think about it, as I might have other plans. Of course, I did not have other arrangements for the summer, and I felt bad for not telling her the truth about why I had doubts about coming._

_I finished some minor exams and tests and since Alice was going to Spain with her family most of the summer, I called Esme and told her my plans had changed, and that I gladly would come. _

…

Here I am, in Scotland, still heartbroken. But at least well fed and amongst some of my favourite people.

It is the last few days of my stay, and I think about changing my train ticket and leave some days earlier than planned. However, Esme uses all of her charms and since Alice will not be back in London until Saturday anyway, I agree upon staying until Sunday as originally planned.

* * *

A/N

Flashbacks are to the summer of 2009

…

Might turn out Edward made the right decision about not changing his ticket after all?

I know some of you want to find out what happened in Jasper's room, but it is yet to come…


	6. Chapter 6

A/N

I do not have a beta, so all errors are my own.

This story in not suitable for readers under 18, as it contains strong language and lemons. So please find your entertainment elsewhere.

I do not own Twilight or its characters, Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to take them out to play - and they soon will play!

...

Here comes another chapter. I was going to wait until Friday with the update, but since chapter five, is sort of an intermission, I decided to post two chapters today.

Enjoy.

**IMPORTANT MESSAGE added 21st of February**

From the statistics, I can tell a lot of you haven't read chapter 5 - or a lot of you read chapter 6 more than once.

If you haven't read about Alice - you haven't read chapter 5

* * *

… I agree upon staying until Sunday as originally planned.

…

**Chapter Six**

**August 2010**

When I wake up Saturday morning, I am hard, really hard.  
I curse myself for waking up in the middle of a sexy dream involving Jasper and me dancing together in my living room.  
I am not sure if I would be into the gay club scene as Alice so badly wants me to join, but I would not mind slow dancing in privacy with my body wrapped around Jasper.

In my dream, he laughed as I pressed my hard erection against his arse and he teased me back by moving his hips in time with the music.

With the scene still vivid, I decide to jerk off before I get up. From the drawer in the nightstand, I grab the lube, and lower my pyjama bottoms to gain better access to my hard member. I use slow gentle strokes, trying to remember the rhythm of the song we danced to. I roamed his muscular chest with my hands as he kept grinding his arse into my aching groin.

As I get closer to my present orgasm, I use my other hand to play with my shaved balls. I love how smooth the skin feels against my fingers, and I send my regards to some of the porn guys , I regularly watch on the internet.  
I am almost there and the thing that brings me home is the memory of his sweet laughter. God, I love the way he laughs; he sounds so sexy and carefree…

I take a Kleenex from a box on my nightstand and wipe away the cum from my fingers, spent cock and stomach. I am not sure I like to think about why my aunt places Kleenex on the nightstand in a teenage boy's room. I secretly thank her anyway, as I can remain in bed while I come down from my dream orgasm. I am in no rush, I see, as I turn to my alarm clock, so I wrap the sheet around me and I am about to drift off when Jasper's catching laughter reappears… this time sounding much more real than the dream I just had.

It sounds like his laughter is coming from the courtyard below my window.

What the fuck… is he here?

I stumble out of bed and nearly trip as my pyjama bottoms pool around my feet. "Fuck," I shout while I grab the curtain as not to fall over. I gain my balance and withdraw some of the curtain. I am almost about to faint when I see him.

Jasper is playing with Jacob's shepherd dog Seth right below me in the courtyard; he is throwing a stick, and Seth eagerly returns with it. Jacob and Jasper talk and laugh together. He seems so at ease and for a second I cannot decide, whether I am pleased to see him or jealous of the attention he pays to Seth and Jacob.

That's until I feel myself getting hard again…

I put my pyjama bottoms back on, as it does not feel right to stand naked or jerk off while watching him in hiding. I am not a Peeping Tom!

Instead, I take a good look at him while he keeps playing catch with Seth.  
He has grown some inches since I saw him last and put on some weight – not fat, but pure muscles. He is wearing red Chucks, low hung faded jeans and a white cut off sleeved T-shirt. I can see the muscles of his upper arm move under his tanned skin every time he throws the stick for Seth to catch.

What completely takes me by surprise though, is what he has on his head.  
"Oh fuck," I moan, feeling my dick twist as I spot the cowboy hat he is wearing. It looks just like one you see in old western movies, and he must have brought it back from Texas.

I have never seen anything so hot in my entire life.

I keep standing at the window, watching him; too stunned to move.  
His hair is longer than usual; just below his jawline, and it seems even lighter than before. Must be the Texan sun bleaching it.

Suddenly Jasper turns around and looks up at my window. I debate whether to hide behind the curtain or keep staying. I have a feeling he has already seen me, so I decide to remain in the window.

Thank God, he can only see me from the torso and up. My dick is now fully aroused and I urge it to fall down, but it is not helping when I am about to witness Jasper's next move.

Ha grabs hold of the crown of his hat and tips it as he looks up at me. It looks just like what any movie cowboy would do when meeting a woman. The only thing missing from the old westerns is the lack of the greeting "Mam!" He gives me a nod instead and for a few seconds our eyes lock.  
The intensity of his piercing blue eyes is almost too much, and when he breaks the stare, I do not know if he is happy to see me or not.

When Jacob calls for his attention, I walk away from the window and sit on my bed for a few seconds. My heart is galloping as I have never experienced before and I feel a heat in my cheeks.

I go to the bathroom and look at my face in the mirror; my cheeks are flushed and hot, and my hair stands in all directions. I had better take a shower before I go down to meet him. After all, I just jerked off. Not that my dick shows any signs of being content with the action it got less than 10 minutes ago. I am completely hard again due to my brief encounter with the boy I love.

I might as well release the tension building in my body or I won't be able to be around Jasper when I meet him in a bit.  
Peeping Tom or not, here I come…

…

I put on jeans, sneakers and a light sweater. Even though I try to tame my hair a bit, it has a life of its own, and I remind myself to get a haircut when I return to London. I check my reflection in the mirror one last time, and try to calm my nerves. I cannot believe Jasper is finally here, just mere feet away.

There is too much going on in my stomach so I skip breakfast, even though Sue is tempting me with blue berry pancakes, when I pass the kitchen.  
I walk through the house until I get to the door leading out to the courtyard where I hope Jasper still is.

I can hear him talking to Jacob, and I stay a moment in the door, while I take deep breaths; trying to calm my nerves.  
They sit on a bench with their backs against me so they are unaware of my approach.

"Hi Jasper," I almost stutter when I stand right behind them. It feels like minutes before he turns around, but in reality, it's only seconds.  
"Hi Ed… long time no see," he greets me with a smile.  
It is not one of the wide dimpled smiles, but he seems pleased to see me, even though I sense he is somewhat nervous too.

I must sound like a dumb girl when the next thing I hear myself saying is, "You're really here?"

"Yeah. I got back a bit early. There's a gig tonight I wouldn't want to miss."

There are hints of a Texan accent in the way he speaks, and it goes straight to my groin. I suddenly forgive him for not being here all summer, if what I get in return for my patience, is this sexy cowboy. But then again I also feel a bit hurt when he says a gig brought him back early, when I wish I could have been the course for him to come home early.

He raises from the bench and looks at me with his eyes screwed, as if he is checking me out.  
"I cannot believe how changed you look Edward," he says. "It's still you, you know, but you look so grown up. You look uhm… good … But your hair's still a bloody mess," he laughs.

I do not know what to respond other than, "You look good too Jasper." I could not very well say, "You look like sex on legs." Even if it is the truth.

With arms folded across his chest, I can see the light dust of hair on his lower tanned arms. I bet it is as soft as cashmere, and I feel myself harden a bit when I think about how it would feel against my own skin.

He brings me back to reality by saying, "Esme tells me you're here till tomorrow. We should hang out. You could come to the gig with me?"  
"Sure, I'd like that very much," I reply not knowing what band we would see.  
I do not care if it is a bloody brass band. Any minute I can get with him, even if I have to share him with trombones or a rowing crowd, I will gladly take.

"Okay, that's a deal then. We'll leave after Esme's Saturday diner. Wouldn't want to miss out on that," he says as he starts walking backwards in the direction of his parents' home.  
"Good to see you again man," he shouts when he is a few metres away.

I am not sure what to feel or think of our brief encounter, but decide to go and have some of Sue's fantastic pancakes after all. While I eat, I think about the hours we are about to spend together alone tonight. I hope the drive to the concert will give me the opportunity to figure out or - if I dare - maybe even ask him, why he stayed away from Scotland all of last summer, and nearly this entire one.  
…

There's no sign of Jasper during the day. However, his parents haven't seen him for months, so he is properly staying at home.

I make myself useful and help Carlisle with some bills and accounts, and later on, I go to my room and pack my bags. If we are going to return late tonight from the concert, I do not want to do it early tomorrow morning. My train leaves at noon, so I will have to leave around 11 am. Suddenly I wish I could prolong my stay, but I have a scheduled meeting with a professor at the university on Tuesday, about the upcoming semester.

The time drags on and I am over excided when it is finally time for dinner, and I will see him up close again. He is wearing a soft looking light blue denim shirt and tight black jeans. The shirt makes his eyes look amazing, and I cannot stop staring at him while he greets the other people around the table.

Tonight we are 10 people for dinner: Esme and Carlisle, Sue, Charlie and Bella, Jacob, Mr and Mrs Whitlock, Jasper and myself. A small crowd compared to other Saturdays as Esme wanted a more intimate dinner tonight, since it is my farewell and Jasper's homecoming diner all in one. How ironic I think, but as soon as we sit around the table, I live in the moment instead of counting the few hours we have left together, before I have to leave.

I sit opposite Jasper, and the noise around the table is a bit too high for us to have a proper conversation across the table. Bella, sitting next to Jasper, keeps sending me questioning looks, but I pretend not to notice. I am not ready to spill yet, and there is hardly anything to tell at this point anyway.

Sue has made a roast of lamb and even though it looks and smells delicious, I can hardly eat a thing; I just move the food around my plate pretending to eat.

Jasper on the other hand eats like a horse, and his jaw moves in the sexiest way while he chews the juicy meat. I am about to combust every time he swallows, as his Adams apple moves up and down. I tell myself it is not the right time nor place to have the thoughts I am having just by watching him eat, and I get into a serious chat with Charlie about trout fishing.

Esme asks Jasper if he knows what he will do now he is back home. I break my conversation with Charlie, as I am curious to hear about the plans he has for his future.  
Jasper has never really been the studying type, so it no surprise when he says, he would like to work with horses for real.  
I hope that does not mean he will return to his uncle's ranch in Texas. Then I'll never be able to see him again.

Esme says she can always use some extra help with the horses, and he can get a job right away if he wants to. However, he has to promise her, that he will think about combining the job with some kind of education in the years to come.  
Becoming a vet is out of the question, since his grades never were good enough, but there are other ways to make a living around horses, she adds and points to Jacob.

Jacob studied to become a horse whisperer in the state of Washington a few years back. His teacher was a descent from an old Indian chief and he passed on his skills to Jacob. Jasper is phenomenal around horses and I can easily see him making a living in that kind of trade. My mind keeps wandering and thoughts of Jasper and I managing the estate when Esme and Carlisle someday have to retire, seem very appealing and obtainable.

After apple crumble we all leave the table, and Jasper tells me he will pick me up in half an hour.

I go to my room and prepare myself for a night out; still none the wiser about where we are going. I figure it will be the local pub, even though I can hardly believe Jasper would return early to watch a band at the pub.

I change into a tight fitted black V-neck T-shirt, and hang the white shirt I was wearing for dinner, on the back of the chair. It is not cold outside tonight, even though there's some wind, so I skip a sweater and grab my grey wool jacket, when I hear Jasper call me from the courtyard.  
"Are you ready, Eddie?"  
God, I hate it when he calls me that, especially now - since it is the nickname he used when we were kids.

I check myself in the mirror one last time and mumbles "As ready as I'll ever be!"

* * *

A/N

I hope you enjoyed the first glimpse of Jasper. He will be in the story from now on… This is a HEA story after all.

Next chapter will be the concert and the scene that made me want to write this story in the first place.

...

From now on, I will probably update once a week.

I would love to hear what you think about the story so far.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N - a bit long this time.

This story in not suitable for readers under 18, as it contains strong language and lemons. So please find your entertainment elsewhere.

I do not own Twilight or its characters, Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to take them out to play.

…

**IMPORTANT MESSAGE**

From the chapter statistics, I can see there has been twice as many views of chapter six than chapter five. I updated two chapters last week, so maybe some of you missed chapter five or it could be some of you read chapter six twice?  
If you haven't read about Alice, you missed chapter five.

To avoid something like that in the future, you could put the story on your follow list.

...

Okay, let's move on with the story…

I know some of you judge Jasper, but I hope you'll be able to understand and forgive him, when we learn about his motives later on in the story.

* * *

I check myself in the mirror one last time and mumbles, "As ready as I'll ever be!"

…

**Chapter Seven**

**August 2010**

I take two stairs at a time and meet Jasper in the courtyard.  
He tosses me a helmet and I almost fall from the impact while catching it.

"Come on," he says, as he leads me around the corner of the stables instead of towards the rover. There I find Jacob's motorbike parked. I have never been on a bike before, and I did not know Jasper could ride one.

"Took my license in Texas," he says and I hope he does not notice I am about to shit my pants. I am afraid we will fall over, but what is far worse, is my fear of how I am going to cope with sitting so close to him.

I put the helmet on and imitate Jasper's way of swinging his leg over the saddle. He looked sexy doing it, and I bet he got practise from mounting horses in Texas. I nearly trip and have to hold on to Jasper's back to steady myself.  
When I catch my balance, I wrap my arms around his waist, he accelerates and we take off. I hold on to him as my life depends on it.

I try to keep a distance between my crotch and his lower back; I do not want him to feel that I am not only excited about the ride, but also about being so close to him.

The noise from the bike and the way we are sitting makes it impossible for us to engage in any conversation. It frustrates me, as the half our ride to Glasgow, where we are going, would have given me plenty of time to ask him about his lack of appearance. Still, I am not sure if there are any motives at all… could be mere coincidence. Instead, I hold on tightly and watch the landscape passing by in a blur while my thoughts keep wandering.

Even though we mostly share the same taste in music, we have never been to a concert or a festival together during my visits. This upcoming indie band is supposed to be great according to Jasper, and I hope I will enjoy myself too. I haven't really been out socializing much the last year.

…

Jasper knows his way around Glasgow and it is obvious he has been to the club before, as he finds a free parking spot close by.

It is with shaky legs I get off the bike and Jasper sends me a smile saying, "You alright back there?" before he himself gets off.

"Sssure," I stutter, "It was great." It wasn't really my thing riding the bike. However, if I get the opportunity to hold on tight to Jasper, I will gladly do it repeatedly.

We reach the entrance to the club and Jasper greets the door attendant. He has been here before; I can tell by their familiar handshake. In the cloakroom, we deposit our jackets and helmets, and head for the bar.

I walk behind him and secretly watch his arse. He is wearing the same tight black jeans as at dinner, but has changed into a soft white V-neck T-shirt. He buys them in US whenever he is visiting family. Something about American cotton being softer than the one we can buy in Europe. I know nothing of cotton apart from my mother's obsession with 800 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets.  
What I do know, is that said T-shirt clings to his torso as was it made just for him.

At the bar, Jasper buys two pints of local ale. We will have two hours to make them evaporate before we have to ride back, he says, when I send him a look. I do drink a few pints now and then, but I have actually never had a drink with Jasper, since we were minors last time we met.

When we walk through the small crowd towards the stage area, Jasper greets many people. They must be friends from his school and previous football team. I feel a bit jealous, but Jasper is likeable, so he is bound to know many people.

There is loud music playing, and it is difficult to keep a real conversation. We have to lean in and almost shout in each other's ear whenever we want to communicate about anything; mostly about other new bands, we like.  
I take the opportunity to inhale his scent every time I lean in. He smells of nothing but soap and pure Jasper. I like he did not splash on some cologne for the night out.

The stage is small, and we can almost reach out and touch the feet of the guitar player when the band enters.  
The band is all right, but as I do not know any of their material, I get a bit bored after 45 minutes. Instead of watching the band, I secretly watch Jasper. His eyes are closed, and he sways in time with the slow song the band is playing. It would be so easy to lean over and give him a gentle kiss on his delicious pink lips. It is overwhelming, being so close, and not being able to touch him as my body aches to do.

I leave him at the front of the stage and head for the toilets. Afterwards I find an open back entrance door and grab some fresh air. I feel hot, even though I am only wearing a T-shirt, and I bum a cigarette from a couple of girls outside. I am not a smoker; I just have the occasional cig now and then. Tonight I need one to calm my nerves and to have something to occupy my restless hands.

The girls start chatting, but their thick Glaswegian accent, makes it hard for me to understand what they are saying. I can read their body language, and like so many other girls in my company, they flirt with me. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I excuse myself while I put out the cigarette.

When I return to Jasper's spot, the concert is almost over and I watch him while he claps his hands and whistles loudly. I did not know he could do that. But then again… we haven't been around for two years so he is bound to have learned some new tricks.

"That was awesome, don't you think?" he eagerly asks me when the crowd has finished their applause.  
"They were alright, I guess," is all I muster to reply as I am transfixed by his wide smile and slightly damp curls.  
"Let's get out of here," he says and we head for the cloakroom to get our jackets and helmets before there will be a line.

The door attendant tells us, it is about to rain when he sees our helmets, and wishes us a save trip home.

…

The sky do look like it is about to rain any minute as we put our helmets and jackets on, and get on the bike for our journey home.  
Once again, I find myself clinging to Jasper's waist, and we are off.

He talks about the greatness of the band, but I can only make out a few words as the wind and now rain drown his speak.  
We are in the middle of nowhere when heaven and earth become one, and there is no way, it is safe for us to keep on driving, as we can hardly see a thing.  
Jasper pulls over and we get off and park the bike at the side of the road. We both take our helmets off and try to see if there are any houses, we can take shelter, nearby.  
We do not see any, but Jasper recalls seeing an abandoned barn some months ago close by where we are.

I follow him through a field, and in the distance, I can faintly see the mentioned barn.  
It is not in good shape; half the roof is missing, but it will have to do. It is the only shelter in miles, before we can continue our way back home.

We enter the deserted barn and Jasper lights the lighter he always carries with him, even though he does not smoke. It was his grand dad's, and the engraving holds their name – Jasper Whitlock.

I grab my phone from my jacket pocket, but there is no reception and we cannot call and tell my family, we are taking shelter from the weather in a barn for a few hours.

Jasper starts gathering some broken wood doors and builds a fire in an empty trough in the corner of the barn, and soon we have a little fire going.

"I am soaked right through, Ed. How 'bout you?" he asks, while taking his leather jacket off.

I run my hands down my drenched jeans and I can tell my wool jacket weights a ton from all the rain it has absorbed. My shoes plop when I walk and my T-shirt is damp and clings to my chest. But the only thing occupying my mind right now, are the raindrops that fall from Jaspers wet curls and keep running down his long throat. Oh, how I wish I dared to lean in and lick them off…

"Ed! Ed!" Jasper snaps his fingers in front of me. "Where did you go, man?"

I come out of my daze, blink a few times and he continues, "We need to get out of these wet and damp clothes. Meanwhile, we can sit by the fire and hang our clothes nearby. They'll soon dry."

He has already hung his jacket and T-shirt on a booth door close to the fire and takes his soaked chucks off. Then he asks me to help him with his jeans!  
I am not sure I heard him right, but when he sits down on a haystack and points a foot at me, in order to grab hold of the narrow leg and pull, I nearly faint. He wriggles his hips and after a few pulls, his tight soaked jeans are off.

He is wearing white boxer briefs – I bet they too are made of the soft American cotton he praises. The briefs surely praise his fine assets! I watch the bulge at front and I can see the golden hair on his muscular thighs glow, in the light of the fire.

I just stand there dumbstruck while he moves around the barn looking for something. Instead of taking my own soaked clothes off, I just stare at his nearly naked body. He is perfect in every way. His shoulders are broader than his waist, his stomach flat as an ironing board with a hint of a six-pack, his hips slim and from his lower back, there is a nice curve just before his sexy arse begins. I nearly combust when he bends over to collect something from the floor.

What he has found looks like a big horsecloth. He brings it back to where I stand, and starts gathering some hay to make a dry and soft place where we can sit while we warm by the fire.

He sits down on the hay and wraps the cloth around him, and I had better do the same, as I now feel cold shivers due to the wet clothes I am still wearing.  
I slowly take my clothes off and manage to take my jeans off without help from Jasper, thank God.  
I am wearing blue and white pin striped boxer shorts – not briefs, and I fear they would have come off along with my jeans if Jasper had pulled the legs.

I hang my wet clothes next to Jasper's and join him on the hay nest he has made.  
He moves closer to me and places the cloth on top of us. If we sit real close, it almost covers our fronts completely. It smells funny, part horse and part moth-eaten. We sit like that for a few minutes talking about the awful weather, hoping it will end soon.

Not before long, my teeth start to chatter, and the weather gets even worse with lightning and thunder. Jasper looks concerned at me.  
"Ed, you need to warm up, or you'll catch a cold. There's no way we'll be able to ride back in the next few hours."

He moves around under the cloth until he lies down on his right side, and signals for me to do the same. I stretch my legs, scoop down and lie on my right side, next to him. I am very aware of the few inches between us; if we were any closer, we would almost be spooning. I stir when I feel Jasper is moving even closer to my freezing body.

"Body heat one-on-one rescue," he jokes as he tugs an arm around me and moves me as close to him as possible. My back aligned with his torso; I lie completely still afraid I might push my arse into his groin by accident.

"Fuck, you're feet are freezing," he says when his left foot suddenly touches mine.

I cannot quite believe I am lying almost naked with Jasper spooning me from behind, the same day I just saw him again after two years of separation. I know we only lie like this out of necessity, and I am glad he is spooning me and not the other way around, as I might be a little too excited about being this close to his warm body.

I consider whether it is the right time for us to have the conversation I have been planning in my head for the last couple of hours; but when I finally find the courage, I can hear from the way Jasper is breathing, that he has already fallen asleep. Tomorrow then…

…

During the night, I wake up and add some more wood to the fire. Our clothes are getting dry, but I can still hear the rain on the roof of the barn.

I return to my warm shelter and think about putting my now dry T-shirt back on. Hell no… when will I ever get a chance to lie nearly naked next to the sexy God in front of me.

I lie on my left side with my left hand holding my head, facing him. With the new wood added to the fire, I can see his face rather clearly. He looks really more like an angel than a god, lying there next to me; his hair damp from the rain curls even more, and frames his beautiful face. His pink lips and long lashes would make him look too feminine if it were not for his distinguished jaw line. When he is asleep, I cannot see his piercing blue eyes or his wide but slightly crooked smile. They only add to his beauty. Sometimes when he smiles, you can see his dimples. I hope he has not outgrown those, as I have an addiction for the two pools.

I turn around, cover my body with the cloth, and take the same position as before I awoke. Within seconds, I feel Jasper's arm around my waist, moving me closer to his warm body once more.  
"Where did you go, missed you…" he mumbles in his sleep.  
My heart starts galloping and I lie completely still. He must take me for one of the many girls I can only assume he has been with during the last two years.

He is moving even closer to me, and now he spoons me completely. Every part of our bodies touch, and I can feel his growing erection against my lower back. He sighs deeply and I can feel him making slow circling movements with his pelvis.

I do not know what to do.  
Do I wake him up and tell him about how he must be having a sex dream, taking the risk he would be confused and think I made it up, or do I just let him finish what he is doing.

Jasper keeps grinding against my arse and there is no sign of him waking up right now, so I reach inside my boxers and grab my now fully hard dick and slowly, as not to wake him up, I stroke myself in time with his movements.  
His heated breath caress my neck, and before I can stop myself, I groan aloud.  
Jasper stops his movements at once, and I can only presume he is awake now.

Fuck, I think, I was just about to come. I am painfully hard, but do not dare to take the final strokes.  
I keep still and wait for him to say something or turn to the other side, as one often does when one wakes up during the night.  
He does neither for some time. The pause feels like minutes and my erection urges for some attention.

Finally, he breaks the silence, "Ed, are you awake?"

I weight the options of answering or pretending I am asleep.

"Yeah…," I answer, with my back still turned towards him.

I start babbling about our clothes being almost dry and I can hear he lifts his head to look at the still burning fire.

"Did you add some wood to the fire?" he asks.

I nod in reply.

I think I hear him say, "Thought you were gone for a minute," but I am not sure.

After a few seconds, he asks, "Ed, did I just dry hump you?"

I do not know what to say and remain silent, and he continues, "Thought so. I'm really sorry, but I have a huge erection. Must be because of our close body contact."

I slowly turn around and look him in the eyes, when I, to my own surprise, say "I have a hard on as well."

"Well, well, well… whom were you thinking of?" He says with a smirk.

"No one in particular," I lie.

"Ed," he continues "spending all those lonely nights in dormitories, did you ever… you know… with any of the other boys?"

I look at him with wide eyes as he goes on, "'Cause I would totally understand if you did. Got to lose a bit of tension now and then… I mean."

I keep staring at him and his next sentence totally takes me by surprise.

"Like now… there's a lot of tension growing under this cover, and I do not see why we couldn't, you know, help each other with some relief."

I moan loudly and he laughs, "See what I mean?"

If only he knew, that it would mean so much more to me, than just a helping hand.

He puts his right hand under his head and looks at me with what could be interpreted as lust, while his left hand slowly moves over my stomach, and further down to where all my tension is gathered.

"Tell me if you want me to stop," he whispers as his fingers touch the hardness in my boxer shorts.

He gently strokes me through the fabric, and I can hardly breathe. It is the most wonderful feeling and I moan deeply as he keeps touching me.

I look at Jasper's face in the light of the fire, and he looks like he is on fire himself; flushed cheeks, hooded eyes and slightly wet lips.

"Fuck!" he utters as he probably feels some of my pre-cum leaking through the thin fabric of my boxer shorts.

Jasper is right. I have had hand jobs performed on me at boarding school over the years, but nothing compares to the way his hand makes me feel right now.

He is about to say something, but the words are stuck in his mouth when I place my hand on his chest. I move my hand slowly down from his naval along his happy trail until I reach the top of his briefs. Then I stall for a moment… looking for his acceptance before I venture my hand inside.  
His eyes nearly close by desire, and I take that as a yes, and release his cock from its confinement.

"Aaarrggghhh!" he sighs and the hand he had on me disappears as he lies down on his back. I do not mind, not the least as I am now stroking his fully aroused cock.

I haven't given many hand jobs in my life; I have mainly been on the receiving end. However, I know what I like myself from many lonely night experiments, and use some of my tricks.

Jasper is thicker than I am, but not quite as long. His skin is like silk wrapped around steel, and I can feel his soft pubic hair whenever my hand gets to the root of his cock. What amazes me most is the way it feels to touch an uncut cock! His foreskin slides back and forth along his engorged head with every stroke.

I would love to see his foreskin slide with my eyes instead of just feeling it with my hand. Most of all; I would love to smell him and taste him and lick him and suck him… and kiss him on the mouth. However, that might be stepping over the boundaries!

I can see and hear how Jasper likes the way I have added some more pressure, and have changed from stroking to pumping him with my hand.  
When I finally slide the tip of my thump over his sensitive head, he comes undone and I feel his warm cum covering my still pumping hand. He moans loudly and his body shivers. I want to milk him completely, if this is the only chance I will ever get touching him.

We lie still and the only sound is his heavy breathing.

"Fuck, that was intense," he says after a while, and I feel his fingers making soft circles on my thigh.

"Sorry, I neglected you… but it felt so amazing, I couldn't concentrate on making you feel good at the same time."

His hand moves back to my still cotton covered hard cock.

"Let me try and concentrate on making you come too, Ed," he says with a crooked smile, while he slips his hand beneath the elastic band of my shorts.

All I can do is nod.  
Jasper traces his fingers along the length of my cock and he now seems more confident than minutes before.

"I have never done this before," he says while he looks at my face for approval.

He doesn't really need any guidance and I know I won't last long, as thinking about him stroking me, will be enough to make me come. I just encourage him to do, what he would do to himself in order to come.

Riley, the boy I used to fool around with at boarding school, was rather good at giving hand jobs. But now I know the difference of being touched by _a_ boy and _the_ boy! It is so much more than just skin on skin.

Jasper suddenly stops stroking, but still keeps his fist around my member when he asks, "Ed, it is really difficult to stroke you like I do myself when it feels reversed, you know. Do you think we could move around a little?"

I look at him puzzled but follow his lead as he removes the cover from us and moves his upper body back against the booth door. He pads the place between his spread legs and I look where he is pointing at in the hope of seeing something more than hay or briefs. Unfortunately, I can barely see his groin as my now standing figure takes up the light from the fire.

I gently place myself between his legs and he tugs me closer to him and covers our connected bodies with the cloth. My back is now up against his chest and I rest my head on his shoulder. His scent is overwhelming and enwraps me completely. Jasper post-sex is my new favourite brand of heroin.

"Please move your boxers down," he whispers in my ear, and I can feel his heated breathe along my neck. Who am I to argue? I lift my hips and do as told.

"So much better this way, don't you think?" he continues as I feel both of his hands slowly moving down my chest towards my groin.

He takes the root of my cock in a firm grip with his left hand as his right hand moves along my length, until he reaches the now leaking swollen head.

"Fuck!" he utters and gathers some of the pre-cum with his thumb and uses it as lubricant when he starts stroking me with his right hand.

I can feel all the blood in my body moving in one direction, and I only hope I will not pass out from the intensity I am feeling.  
I do not think I am supposed to hear his next whispered words, but with my head so close to his mouth, they do not escape my notice, "Such a long and hard cut cock…"

I know from a prior episode, that Jasper talks dirty when he jerks off, and presume our position resembles, he is stroking himself instead of me.

However, he is not stroking himself, as he did say _cut_, and I am highly aware of his now hard cock poking against my lower back.

His skilled hand moves up and down my length and makes twist at the top. However, what finally takes me over the edge is when he rolls my balls with the other hand simultaneously.  
Thick ropes of cum lands on my lower stomach as he continues stroking me.  
At the same time, I can feel Jasper's hot cum ooze through his briefs against my lower back, as he comes again.

I have never had an orgasm this intense, and I appreciate that I am resting against him or I would surely fall over from the impact. It is pure bliss to ride out my orgasm against his body, and I dread the moment he will ask me to move aside, now that the mission is accomplished.

However, we remain in our intimate position and catch our breaths for a while.

Jasper laughs and is the first to speak, "Fuck, we really needed that. We had better each find someone to take care of our business on a regular basis."

Of course, I do not tell him that I would be happy to oblige whenever he is in need of a release… Instead, I just laugh along with him and hope he does not suspect it was so much more than just a release for me.

I grab some hay and clean myself before I pull my boxers back up.  
Then I move around and lie myself down next to him. He covers us with the cloth, but we keep some space between our now heated bodies.

"Now we're both relaxed and warm and look; the sun's about to rise soon. A few hours more, and then we can ride back home."

It does not take long before he once more is asleep next to me.

I cannot sleep. I am too confused about what just happened. For me, this was a dream come true, but what did it mean to Jasper? Was it just two horny guys helping each other out? Are we now friends with benefits? Was this just a onetime experience? …or, could he be attracted to me as well? I am utterly confused. Jasper's facial expressions and the sounds he was making during the act, make me wish, it also meant more to him than just friends helping each other out.

What will happen when morning comes? Will we talk about the episode, maybe even repeat it, or will he regret or act like nothing happened during the night?

Fuck, I have never been so confused in my entire life.

I toss and turn under the cover, not able to sleep at all.

…

An hour later when the sun is rising and the birds sing I leave our little nest, as not to wake him with my restless moves, put my dry clothes back on and let the fire burn out.  
I sit on a milk chair and watch him sleep for a while, before I say his name aloud and tell him, it is time to wake up and go home.

He slowly opens his eyes, stares at the empty spot beside him, and then looks around the barn a bit confused and sleepy eyed. I cannot figure out if his face portrays sadness, surprise or remorse when he sees me fully dressed nearby.

Something is definitely wrong and not as I hoped, it would be.

He does not say a word while I watch him dress in his dry clothes, and he avoids all eye contact; I do the same.  
I can almost feel tears gather in my eyes from the indifferent signals he is sending, and am about to confront him, when he breaks the unbearable silence by saying, "Let's get home, I am fucking starving."

We leave the barn without another word and head for the parked bike.

It has stopped raining and the sun makes a nice difference to yesterday's awful weather. When we take off I once again find myself holding on to his waist, but it feels different now after what happened between us just hours before.  
I hold on to his tensed torso none the less, and we are on our way home.

…

As we enter the mansion courtyard, Esme comes running towards us with concern in her eyes.  
"Where have you two been all night… oh, I am se relieved to see you."  
"We were about to come looking for you or call the police," Carlisle continues.

"We tried to call you, but there were no reception where we were," Jasper answers and continues. "We had to pull over and seek shelter in a deserted barn along the road."  
I think I see Jasper's cheeks blush a little when he mentions the barn, but I am not completely sure.

"Well good to have you both back safe and sound. Breakfast is ready and Edward…" she says as she looks at me, "Carlisle will take you to the station in an hour or so."

I turn around to take a quick look at Jasper, hoping to see his reaction when she mentions my departure time. However, he is already walking away from me with his head down and the bike by his side.

…

I go to my room, take a quick hot shower and dress in some fresh clothes. The ones from last night, I toss into my stuffed bag with the last of my toiletries. I pack a book along with my iPod and phone in my messenger back, and take one final look in the mirror. I look as awful as I feel.

Finally, I gather my bags, take one last look at my room and walk down stairs.

Everyone has joined us for Sunday breakfast and I will not be able to talk privately with Jasper as he places himself at the other end of the table from me. I search his eyes, but have no luck. He eats without having a conversation with anyone, just politely answers with yes or no when questioned about our night.

He is the first to leave the table, and is out of the house before I even have a chance to run after him. Bella sends me a questioning look, and Jasper's mother excuses his behaviour, before she wishes me farewell and follows her son.

Carlisle says it is time to go, and I hug Sue and Esme and shake hands with the rest of them. Bella walks with me to the rover where Carlisle waits, but there is not enough time for me to explain what happened between Jasper and I. I promise her, I will call her tonight or tomorrow.

"You bet you will, Ed. What the fuck?" Bella says as she hugs me tightly. She rarely curses, but I guess this fucked up situation calls for the big vocabulary.

My bags are already in the car and I climb in next to Carlisle. I do not see Jasper anywhere, and I feel a stab in my heart for not being able to say goodbye to him before I leave.

I wave goodbye to Bella and Esme, and when the car reaches the gate, I see Jasper standing there with Seth at his feet, giving me a soft nod as we drive through. I turn around in the car, hoping he will keep looking in my direction as we continue driving down the road. If he does, I will ask Carlisle to stop the car. But he does not; he has already started walking back to the house.

Carlisle can sense something is up, but fortunately, he does not say anything during the ride. I hold myself together, and soon we arrive at the station where the train is already approaching.

"Edward, it has been wonderful having you with us this summer as usual. You are always welcome, and you can always call me if you need someone to talk to… about anything. Remember that, son"

"Thanks Carlisle, I appreciate it. I've had a nice summer too."

I give him a hug, and before the tears start falling, I say goodbye and board the train.

…

I take a seat by the window and am pleased when I find all my fellow travel companions occupied with laptops and books; there is no way I would be able to keep up any sort of conversation.

Instead, I find my iPod and let the dreamy music of Cocteau Twins carry me back to London.

* * *

A/N

Poor, poor Edward… and please don't be mad at Jasper.

Please believe me when I say this is a HEA story. Edward and Jasper are very young, and they just need to learn a few things about life and love before we get to the HEA.

…

I would love to hear what you think about this, for the/their story, very central chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N

Hello to the new followers and thanks for the reviews – some of you regular reviewers might find your comments actually inspired me to expand this chapter.

* * *

I find my iPod and let the dreamy music of Cocteau Twins carry me back to London.

...

******Chapter Eight**

**August and autumn 2010**

From the train, I send Alice a text, informing her about my arrival, and close my eyes. It is a beautiful day and the shining sun makes colourful patterns on my closed eyelids, as the monotonous rumble of the train dulls me. I let my thoughts wander back to the episodes of the last 24 hours.

It has been the best, and at the same time, worst day of my entire life!

What exactly went wrong between Jasper and I? I am clueless. We had a great time at the concert, and he was the one who took initiative to the mutual hand job in the barn. He was so calm end sweet until he woke up in the morning and reality hit him.

He must regret our actions and despise me or maybe even himself for giving in to the acute urges.

How will we be able to remain friends after this?

I must have dozed a bit, because sooner than I expected the train arrives at Euston station. I collect my bags and leave the train, and walk to the point where Alice told me she would meet me.

…

I can tell, Alice knows something is wrong the minute she eyes me, and I can barely hold back the tears when she hugs me. She grabs the small bag and leads me through the station and away from the tube signs.

"We'll take a taxi today," she says and I secretly thank her. I do not think I could cope sitting in the tube during rush hour the way I am feeling.

We do not say a word during the ride - she just holds my hand on the backseat of the taxi.

Alice pays for the ride and takes the small bag up the stairs to my apartment.

"Edward, what the hell happened up there?" Alice asks when we sit on my couch, each with a cup of hot tea in our lap, a few minutes later.

"Everything!" I answer, and then I cannot hold back the tears anymore.

Alice waits patiently for me to continue, and I tell about how disappointed and hurt I was for not seeing Jasper until the very last day of my stay.

I tell her about the concert and the barn episode; I do leave out the specific details. I am completely exhausted when I have told her everything about my summer stay, and she guides me to my bed and tugs me in for a nap.

I may have lost Jasper completely, but I do not know what I would do without Alice. She is my guiding star and I make sure to tell her so repeatedly.

I manage to fall asleep and when I wake up a few hours later, it is to the smell of homemade food. Alice is always experimenting with new recipes, but this smell I know very well. It is our favourite comfort dish – lasagne.

We eat in silence. Even though Alice is a very impatient and bubbly person, she knows when it is better to keep a low profile; I love her for that. We are in harmony, and sometimes it even feels like she can read my mind or know what is best for me, before I do myself.

After dinner we do talk some more, and she tries to figure out what went wrong between Jasper and I this summer, and the summer two years ago.

I tell her Bella and myself included, tried that during my current stay without any success.

"Have you ever thought about he might have similar feelings towards you, but not knowing how to deal with them?" she says eagerly, looking for my answer.

"I know for a fact he has kissed girls, and why wouldn't he tell me after what happened in the barn?"

"Did you tell _him_ you have more than friendly feelings towards him?"

"Well, no… not in so many words, but I thought he would have figured it out."

"Oh Edward, you should have told him. Now what… do you wait until next summer or do you call him and let him know?"

"We never really talk outside my visits, and it is like we're growing apart lately… now more than ever."

Alice gives me a kiss on the cheek and tells me she is heading home.

"You should get some sleep Edward. We'll talk more tomorrow about how we're going to deal with this mess!"

"Yes mother," I reply and we both laugh. It feels good to laugh instead of crying.

"I'll bring a bottle of vodka and we'll discuss what to do about Goldilocks.

_A_: make a strategy about how you are going to tell him or _B:_ make a plan about how to forget all about him… Oh did I mention my cousin Mike is single again?" She informs me, while she is wrapping a colourful scarf around her neck.

"Bye Alice," I say as I follow her to the door.

I go to bed once more this day, hoping I will be able to get some deep sleep. There are no more tears, just a big whole in my heart.

…

In the morning I make some breakfast with the ingredients, Alice so kindly has stocked my fridge with, and afterwards I take a long hot relaxing shower.

I do not have any plans for the day, so I go for a walk in Holland Park and buy some books in my favourite bookstore.

I think about the options Alice has given me, and though I might risk losing Jasper's friendship all together, I prefer option A.

I suddenly remember I promised to call Bella, and before dinner, I pick up my phone and dial her number. When she answers, I can hear people in the background and wonder if she is in the same room as Jasper. She tells me to hold on as she goes to her room.

I talk for minutes - Bella listens. Bella asks questions - I answer. Before we end the call, she tells me Jasper hasn't been up at the house since I left yesterday morning.

God, has it really only been a day since I saw him last? It feels like days. Bella promises me, she will keep me informed about Jasper, and I promise I will think about contacting him soon.

One would think Bella and Alice conspirer against me behind my back; but I know both of them only want what is best for me.

Later that evening when Alice comes over with her promised bottle of vodka, I tell her about my talk with Bella and that I need some time before I am ready to confront Jasper. We have a few drinks, but not enough to make us dumb and silly, and certainly not enough for me to drunk dial Jasper.

On Tuesday, I have the scheduled meeting with my new professor in literature. I like him and hope I will have a great and educational semester; a semester, that will help me take my mind off and in worst-case scenario; forget all about Jasper.

Saturday afternoon I have finally gathered enough courage to call Jasper. I do not know if he has his own phone, and I do not have his number anyway, so I call his house number. It rings a few times before I hear Jasper at the other end.

"It's Jasper," he answers, sounding out of breath and in the background, I can hear a girl giggle.  
"Stop it Lauren… I mean it. Hello, who is it?" He tries again.

Suddenly all my gathered courage vaporize into thin air. Lauren, who is she? But more importantly, what is she doing with Jasper, that makes him sound out of breathe?

I cannot muster a simple hello; instead, I just keep listening to Lauren's annoying giggle at the other end of the line. I hear him asking hello one more time, before he hangs up, and I do the same.

So much for finally telling the truth!

Of course, Alice has all kinds of explanations whom Lauren might be, and what she and Jasper might have been up to, when I give her an account of my disastrous phone call. They range from hot sex to tickling fits and personal trainer exercising.

Some scenarios are worse imagining, but either way, I decide to wait some days before I try to call him again.

…

However, days turn into weeks, weeks into a month, and suddenly it is almost October. Not a single day goes by without Jasper being on my mind… but I still haven't called him.

…

Alice has continuously tried to drag me along to the Thursday quiz night at our regular pub for weeks, and tonight I finally give in. I need to remind myself there are other things to life than 19th century novels and yearning for Jasper.

Alice picks me up at 8 pm and on our way to the pub; she lets me in on the people who will be on our quiz team. Most of them are from her fashion classes and apart from Jane, they are all guys. I wonder if she is trying to set me up.

The group of Alice's friends already sits around a table, and everyone looks very smart dressed and well groomed; they are fashion students after all.

"Hi everyone, this is Edward. Edward this is everyone," Alice says as we take our seats.

They look friendly and every one of them introduces themselves; the girl is called Jane, and the guys are Felix, Alec and Laurent.

I buy a round for Alice and me, and when I return with our drinks, two things dawn upon me, Felix and Alec are together _together_, and Laurent, the French guy, is checking me out.

I was right. Alice is trying to take my mind off Jasper and when she leans in to ask how I am coping with being out and about; I genuinely reply I am alright.

The evening turns out to be fun, and I like Alice's friends.

"You see Edward, everything is possible. Look at Alec and Felix – they just met last month and already have a growing relationship, and if I'm not mistaken, I think Laurent looks like he is very interested in you… and he's cute too, don't you think?"

I must admit he is good looking with his olive toned skin, dark eyes and black hair. In every way, he looks very different from my blonde angel.

The quiz begins and our team sucks. There are not enough popular culture or literature questions to make up for our lack of knowledge in politics and world history. We have a good time though, and when the pub closes and we collect our belongings, Laurent asks me if we can see each other again – just the two of us.

Alice is eying me speculatively from the bar where she is paying our tab, and I hope she did not make Laurent up to it.

"I don't know… you seem like a really nice guy Laurent, but I'm… I'm not in a place right now, where I'm ready to date. I'm sorry," I reply to his proposal.

"I really like you Edward. Please, say yes, non?" His French dialect shines through, and when he starts biting down on his lower lip, he is rather irresistible.

He notices my focus has changed and senses, I am not as reluctant anymore, so he eagerly continues, "No strings attached, just a visit to the movies or a museum, a walk in the park? Doesn't have to be a romantic dinner or anything like that."

"Thanks, I'll think about it, Laurent," I say and see a glimpse of hope in his dark eyes.

We say goodbye to the group, and Alice can hardly control herself when I walk her home.

"Laurent is cute, am I right or am I right?" she almost sings when she steps in front of me on the pavement, dancing her little victory dance.

"Yes, he seems like a nice guy. I might even call him," I answer while I pass her.

"I knew it… maybe I should settle down as a matchmaker, or should I stick with fashion? What do you think Edward?"

"Hold your horses, pixie. We don't know if we match for sure yet"

"Uh-oh! Do you refer to the top/bottom, pitcher/catcher thing?" Alice says while she makes air quotes. "Well, I guess everyone can tell Laurent is a typical bottom, but I've actually never thought about your preference, Edward. Somehow I can't picture you as a top."

"Alice, please believe me when I say, I don't want you to think about my preference or even worse, imagine me during sex, but if you really want to know, I think I might be what you call versatile. But in order to know for sure, I would need to be in an actual relationship, or at least have occasional sex. As you're well aware… I lack both," I joke.

"Maybe, not for long sweetie?" she teases.

"We'll see… okay, you're safely home now. Goodnight Alice, sweat dreams," I say and see her through her front door.

"Night sweetie, call you tomorrow about out dinner date on Sunday," I just about hear before the door closes behind her.

...

Could Alice be right? Should I give Laurent and myself, for that matter, a chance?

How ironic… I might start dating a guy called Laurent, while Jasper does who knows what, with a girl called Lauren!

Jesus, no matter how hard I try not to think about Jasper, he keeps occupying my mind.

The weekly reports I get from Bella, have not made me any wiser regarding Jasper's behaviour. He helps Esme and Jacob with the horses, and though Bella and Jacob are now dating, Jacob is not gossiping about what Jasper and he talk about during work.

Bella has never mentioned a girl named Lauren, nor have Jasper for that matter. However, he could keep her a secret from Bella.

Tuesday when we talked, Bella told me, that Jasper finally seemed in a better mood. Could be because he is now in a happy relationship with this Lauren.

I think I might be calling Laurent over the weekend. I have nothing planned, other than reading and grocery shopping for my Sunday dinner with Alice anyway.

…

On Sunday afternoon, Alice comes over to my place and we start preparing dinner – a Thai soup that needs many chopped veggies, so there is plenty of time for her to grill me about my intentions towards Laurent.

I still haven't called him, but Alice keeps pushing, and tells me he actually asked her about me yesterday; and I promise I will call him later tonight.

"Enough about me Pixie. Why haven't you found your own boyfriend?" I ask her as I am dicing an onion.

"Well, I…" Alice begins, but that is as far as she gets when my doorbell starts ringing.

"Saved by the bell," she giggles as she heads for my front door.

I cannot see the door from my kitchen and I am not able to hear whom Alice is talking to, from where I am standing. As I am not expecting anyone else, I conclude it must be a sales person since she does not invite the person inside.

I do not hear the front door close, but suddenly Alice stands next to me in the kitchen with a rather serious look on her face and hands placed at her narrow hips.

"There is someone to see you; he is waiting in the hallway," she says and picks up her chopping knife.

I cannot figure out whom it might be visiting me without an appointment, and why don't Alice say who it is. Oh God, I hope it is not Laurent. Did she invite him over? No, she would not act all mysterious if it was he, by the door.

I lay down the knife and dry my fingers in the towel I keep in the pocket of my jeans. My eyes are watery from chopping the onion, and I cannot see clearly, when I go to meet the stranger at my front door. What I can see, is a tall male figure in jeans and a hoodie fidgeting with impatience in my hallway.

I rub my eyes with my fingers in order to see the man better and regret my action immediately, as I forgot about the chili I chopped before the onion.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I curse while I reach for the towel in my pocket, to wipe my eyes and ease the pain.

I hear footsteps approaching and feel a familiar hand on my shoulder; the touch of the hand I have been craving for so long.

"Why is it I always need to come to your rescue Edward?" I hear my favourite voice whisper in my ear, before he grabs my hand and leads me towards the kitchen.

He helps me to sit down on a chair and I can hear Alice and Jasper talking, and water running.

I feel a cold and damp cloth against my eyes, and the burning fades each time he gently wipes the cloth over my sore eyes. He is not saying anything and neither am I, and I can only assume Alice is about to explode with impatience.

Suddenly, she breaks the silence and says "I forgot to buy lime leafs, I'll see you in a sec."

I know for a fact that Alice's _seconds_, can be actual hours.

Whenever she drags me to department stores or fashion boutiques, she is always trying to convince me about it only taking a few seconds to see or try something on, when it is really more like hours. I am not entirely sure if I want her to be gone for a few seconds or hours right now.

Jasper continues to clean my eyes with the gentlest of touch, but when I can hear him by the sink once more; I dry my slightly wet face in the hem of my T-shirt, and try to open my eyes ever so slowly.

I blink a few times and watch him with his back towards me, still by the sink. Even though I cannot see his face, his figure looks exhausted. It looks like he has lost some weight too.

When he turns around with the damp cloth in his hand, my eyes search his. He is glorious even though he looks tired and the Texan tan is fading. He actually looks a bit pale and rather anxious now that my eyes are on him.

"Oh hi, you can see now," he says softly when his eyes meet mine.

"What are you doing here, Jasper?" I ask, hoping my shaky voice does not betray how nervous I am about the answer, I am about to get.

He is fidgeting and I cannot wait to hear his answer.

"I could make up a lot of excuses about being in the neighbourhood, but since I do not know anyone in London apart from you, that would be a lie."

He looks at me and I am excited to hear him explain himself further.

"I really just needed to see you, Edward."

I must look confused, because he continues.

"Is that alright, I mean, seeing you outside of Scotland… and me being here in your flat?"

"Yes of course… I am just surprised since we did not say goodbye in August," I reply.

"Yeah, sorry about that"

He does really look sorry.

"I brought you something," he says while he turns around looking for a bag he has brought along with him.

There are clothes in the bag, and I spot his white T-shirts and boxer briefs when he takes a large book from it. Since Jasper rarely reads books, I am curious as to why he is bringing me one.

"Is there somewhere we can talk?" he asks with the book tugged under his armpit.

I point the way to my living room and we take our seats on my couch. There is a distance of some inches between us, and Jasper moves closer. I try not to stir, but it becomes very difficult when his familiar scent hits me.

He places the book in our now joined laps and I recognise it. It is my photo album from Scotland, the one Esme is making with all the memories from my summer stays. I look at him curiously, and ask why he has brought the book with him to London.

"Let me show you," he says and starts turning pages.

He points to some of the earliest photos and adds comments along the way, but I do not hear them. I just watch his beautiful lips move while he keeps turning pages. The smile I detect now and then on his lips disappears when he suddenly stops turning pages, and points to a certain photo in the album.

"Do you see the difference?" he asks me.

"What?" I ask, not sure, I know what he is referring to.

"Look at you…" he says while turning pages back and forth in the album.

The photos he is comparing are of the two of us from our early teenage years and the ones from the last two years, where he is not in any of them.

"You look so sad, it's almost like two different persons," he continues, not expecting me to comment.

I take a closer look at the photos he talks about, and I do see a difference in my appearance. I am amazed to find, that Esme has already added the photos she took this summer to the album. There are only a few compared to the other years, and I look utterly miserable in most of them. I do not even remember her taking any of them.

There is one of me sitting reading a book under our favourite tree and one from a Saturday diner, where everyone but me looks entertained and happy. On the next page are two photos from the day before the last of my summer stay. One is of Jasper and I on the bike before we took off for the concert and the other is a group photo from dinner that same evening.

I recall Jasper telling stories from his summer stay in Texas, and he must be in the middle of a funny anecdote, because everyone in the photo is laughing and turned towards him. I find myself in the photo; staring at him from the opposite side of the table. I look completely mesmerized by his story or more likely, by him in general.

Jasper traces a finger along my face in the photo and then turns his blue eyes at me. Without taking his eyes away from me, he closes the album and places it on the coffee table in front of us.

I lower my stare and focus on my hands running up and down my jeans clad thighs.

God, I do not know what to say or do.

I did not know my admiration for him where that obvious. Anyone can see I desire him in the dinner photo… and there is no doubt about my adoration in some of the other photos as well.

I am sure Esme knows all about my secret; it is as if she has captured it spot on. If Esme and Bella already know about my feeling towards Jasper, Jasper might know too.

I can hardly breathe and I feel my hands getting more restless and sweaty.

"Look at me Edward, please", he says while he reaches out for my hand.

* * *

A/N

Yes, I know… not the best place to stop. However, this chapter was getting longish, as Alice suddenly had a lot more to say than originally planned.

This is a good place to stop, since next chapter will have the long-awaited talk, and we will learn all about Jasper's intentions towards Edward. Maybe also what happened in Jasper's room two years ago!

All to come next week…  
Stay tuned and please let me know what you think so far.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N**

Sorry about the delayed update. I've had a busy week.

Oh my… this chapter nearly killed me.

I wrote it weeks ago along with the previous chapters, but somehow it wasn't quite right, when I reread it last week. Therefore, I had to rewrite a great part and add some new angles and dialogue. I hope it portrays Jasper's motives for acting the way he did towards Edward.

…

As always… I do not own Twilight or its characters, Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to take them out to play.

However, I owe the wonderful writer, reviewer and person **Maryhell a big THANK YOU**. She was kind enough to help me with grammar and spelling errors in this chapter - after it was published. It's now updated, and much better, I hope.

* * *

I can hardly breathe and I feel my hands getting more restless and sweaty.  
"Look at me Edward, please", he says while he reaches out for my hand.

**Chapter Nine**

His touch sends shivers down my spine and I stop my hands from moving up and down my thighs. I slowly turn my gaze towards him and it feels like I am drowning, when I look into his searching blue eyes.

He is still holding my hand, and I can see he has a hard time swallowing as if he is really nervous too. Then I hear him speak ever so gently while our eyes remain connected.

"Ed, can I please explain myself about my behavior this summer?"

I do not think I have ever felt such intimacy before, and I nod and he starts talking; I just listen for a long time…

"I am sorry, really sorry for trying to avoid you this and last summer. Sorry for not calling you or coming to see you sooner. Sorry for not telling you how I felt and feel… I've been so fucking confused. Not knowing how to act upon discovering I have more than just friendly feelings towards you. First I feared you were repulsed or at least didn't reciprocate my feelings, and then this summer realizing you might somehow feel the same, but acting as what happened between us didn't mean a thing."

I look puzzled at him but remain silent and he continues.

"I'm referring to the morning in the barn. I know, I suggested what we did during the night was just a way for us both to release some steam, but it actually meant so much more to me. Was I wrong to conclude it also meant more to you?"

He looks at me for my answer, but I need to hear him out before I tell him my version of that morning, so he continues.

"I didn't know how to cope with you not lying next to me when I woke up - after the intimacy we shared - and then you, acted indifferently, Ed. However, I do understand if the episode was more than what you wanted or if it was too intimate. I am so sorry for acting like a jerk the ride back home and during breakfast, though. But most of all, I regret we didn't talk and I didn't tell you how I felt, or at least said goodbye to you, before you left."

He takes deep breathes and carries on.

"I know you're not supposed to be attracted to your best friend, hell some people even think it's an abomination, and I felt awkward after the episode in the barn. Not that I'm embarrassed of what we did. But I hope we can, if nothing else, at least move on and have our friendship back, because I really miss you, Ed."

I noticed he says he has more than friendly feelings towards me and he did not say we should forget about what happened in the barn; it actually meant something to him as well. I should probably say something to him now. Tell him I have more than friendly feelings towards him too, that I love him, but I need to make sure why he is really here; what his intentions are.

"I was a mess right after you left in August and avoided all company the following days, even though Bella kicked my butt more than once. Her and Esme… you wouldn't believe how exhausting they can be!" he chuckles.

"A few days ago, Esme told me to follow her to your room, and she gave me your album and told me to take a closer look at the photos, if I needed to find the cause for my misery. At first, I didn't get what Esme wanted me to look for, but when I compared the ones where we are together and the new ones with you alone, it dawned on me how happy we always are together, and that not being around each other makes us miserable.

I lay on your bed afterwards, thinking about you and the fucked up situation, and must have drifted off, because Esme woke me up some hours later. She asked if I had found what I had hoped to find, and I told her yes and thanked her for her guidance.

These last days I considered whether to call you or to come here to see you for real. I could tell Esme was expecting me to do something, and Tuesday I finally gathered enough courage and bought a coach ticket, and here I am.

I hope you forgive my stupid actions and we can become friends again, but if what I think I saw in those photos and what I see when looking in your eyes is right; I would like for us to be so much more than just friends."

He looks at me with pleading eyes.

"Edward, please say something."

I try to resume all he has been saying and a warm feeling washes through my body as I realize; he has just declared his feelings towards me. He hasn't said he loves me, but then again neither have I, so we are on the same level.

He is still holding my hand and his thumb is drawing small circles inside my palm. It is very calming and arousing at the same time, having him touching me.

"What did you see in the pictures?" I ask him.

He looks surprised at my response and continues, "I see two boys caring deeply for each other and over the years slowly falling in love."

"What, you don't see it?" he asks, a bit upset when I do not reply.

I smile and give him the answer I know he is longing to hear and say the words I long to say, "Jasper, I _do_ see it. I feel it. I am in love with you. Have been in love with you for years, and I also hope we can be more than friends from now on."

"God, why didn't you ever say something?" he asks and looks at me with hopeful eyes.

Action speaks louder than words right now, and I cannot wait to feel him against me any longer; so I turn my torso towards him, lean in and gently place a kiss on his lips. It is our first kiss, and I take him a bit by surprise.

"I do now, that's all that matters," I answer before I lean in and kiss him with all I have.

He tastes divine – of fresh mint and pure Jasper. His lips are soft and his warm mouth welcomes my tongue when I gently enter.

We keep kissing for a long time. It might be a bit sloppy and out of control at first, as we lack experience, but we soon find a rhythm.

…

My couch is long and wide enough for us to lie together and while we kiss, our hands explore each other. I might have touched Jasper's most private parts, but I have never had my hands in his halo of soft golden curls before, or caressed his flushed cheeks. It is heaven!

He is playing with the hair on the back of my neck; it is very sensual and I can feel myself hardening in my jeans. Our legs intervene and when our groins meet, we both let out deep moans.

"You know I want so much more than just this, but I would really like to go slow this time. You know, we still have some talking to do before we take it any further. This is all a bit overwhelming and new to me." His eyes are hooded and his voice husky; and he keeps nipping at my neck while we slowly grind our groins together for the much-needed friction.

"Me too," I whisper, my voice deep with desire.

He looks questioning at me.

"And I thought you'd been up to all kinds of dirty stuff at the dorms," he jokes.

"No not really. I received a hand job now and then, but nothing more," I answer.

"Does that mean you're still a… virgin, Ed?"

"Yes. I've always saved myself for a particular someone," I say before I gently bite his ear lobe. His scent just behind his ear is amazing, I realize.

"Who might that special someone be, Ed?"

"You. It's always been you, Jaz."

"It will always be you, Ed," he whispers before he crashes his lips to mine in a passionate kiss.

…

We kiss for what feels like hours, until I hear the sound of my phone receiving a text message. From the familiar melody, I know it is from Alice. Fuck, I forgot to let her know how wonderful everything turned out after she left. I pick up my phone and quickly sent her a text: All great – talk 2 u later.

"This Alice, she's rather scary, isn't she? She gave me quite a lecture before she let me see you." Jasper says when I put the phone down.

"Yes, she can be intimidating, even though she's tiny. She's actually the sweetest person once you earn her trust. You can't blame her for judging you; I might have let her believe you were the cause of all my misery. What… did she threaten you? I wouldn't take it personal," I chuckle.

"Well yeah, sort of… when I told her who I am, she said, _"I'll squeeze your balls, and make mince pies out of them if you don't treat Edward with the respect he deserves"_. You don't think I should take that personal?"

"Well, when she put it like that… by the way; Alice is an excellent cook… But most of all, she's my dearest friend, apart from you, and she's just looking out for me. She's been my rock these last months. Her and Bella, actually."

"I'll remember to thank her for taking care of you, while all I did was unintentionally hurting you. I will always regret, not telling you how I felt about you sooner, Ed, but I hope I'll be able to show you how much I care and make up for all the miserable hours, now that I'm here."

Jasper leans in and kisses me once more on my now swollen lips and even though I want to remain in our romantic bubble, my stomach starts to rumble.

"Come let's finish the dinner you were in the middle of; I'm starving too, and we have all night to talk" he smiles.

…

And talk we do…

We talk about all the good and bad memories from our shared and parted summer holidays, while we finish preparing the Thai-soup.

Alice never returns with the "missing" lime leaves. I figure, the soup is just as good without them, but I could be eating actual dishwater; I would not know the difference. I am so enthralled with watching Jasper eat, here at my table in my apartment.

…

"Jasper, earlier you mentioned abomination… what do you mean? Has anyone ever hurt you or told you homosexuality is wrong?" I ask him when we clean up the kitchen.

"I'm ashamed to say, that other people's opinions and expectations of me, somehow is part of why I did not tell you about my feelings towards you sooner."

"What? I don't believe neither your parents, Esme nor Bella said or did anything discriminating… was it Jacob?" I ask.

"Jacob? No, I don't think he knows or suspects anything; he tries to set me up with girls all the time. No it's my dad."

"Your dad? Have you told your parents? About your being gay or at least about being attracted to me, I mean."

"I'm more than attracted to you Edward," he smiles and kisses me lightly, "but no, I haven't told neither him nor my mother… yet. I might need to call them soon, though. They actually think I'm visiting a cousin in Inverness. Esme and Bella are the only ones who know my whereabouts and my feelings towards you."

"Do you think your father suspects you like guys… me, I mean?"

"No. I've never told them anything that would make them believe I have anything but friendship with you. I don't know about my mother though, she's always very perceptive. My dad, well… he's from Texas, you know, and let's just say the family back there, aren't the most open-minded people you can come across."

"Did they harm you?" I ask, suddenly feeling angry and protective towards him.

"No not me anyway. However, this summer when I was back, I witnessed something that makes me ashamed to call myself Whitlock," he says and turns away from me for a second before he says, "Have I ever mentioned that I have a cousin a few years older than me, called Peter?"

I nod as I recall him mentioned.

"Well, turns out he's gay. I never knew. Well, when I think back, I do recall he never had a girlfriend or talked about girls like the other boys at the ranch, but I never saw him with another guy. About three years ago, my dad got a phone call from his brother, telling him about how disappointed he was in his son and that they had driven him away from home and fired the man he was caught having a sexually relationship with. I can still remember how ashamed and upset my father was back then. Even my mother couldn't calm him down for days. He actually threatened to fly back home to kick some sense into Peter, saying it was all wrong to disgrace your family like that."

"Jesus… why didn't you ever tell me? I would never have picked your dad for a bigot. Why did you even want to go back to visit your uncle, when you knew he didn't approve of your liking boys, or didn't you know back then?" I ask, hoping to find out how long he has felt a pull towards me.

"Today, I'm ashamed of their actions, and for letting me be convinced it is wrong to be a homosexual. Everybody should be free to love whomever he or she wants. Back then, I really believed it was wrong, because two of the men I admired the most, thought and preached it was an abomination. So, now you know why I never fooled around with any boys, when I was in Texas or back home for that matter. I let myself believe it was wrong to desire another boy, well _you_ actually," he concludes as he fidgets with the hem of his T-shirt.

…

"What about girls then, there must have been others than Jessica?" I ask dreading his answer.

"Nah, I never got to more than base one with her, and there hasn't been anyone else. Believe me when I tell you; it's simply about you, and you alone, Edward. I'm in over my head with you."

"So, I gather you're a virgin too, Jaz?"

"Yes. We're on the same page there, though I must say you seemed rather experienced when back in the barn. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had."

"Me too. Can't wait to be naked with you again," I say and suddenly recall Jasper's presumed girlfriend, Lauren.

"Oh by the way, who is Lauren?" I ask curiously. I know now, she is not nor was ever a girlfriend.

"Who?" he asks curiously.

There is no way out. I have to tell him about my hung-up phone call.

"Well, I called you some weeks ago… but when you picked up the phone and I heard you were with a giggling girl, called Lauren; I lost my guts and hung up."

"Oh, that was you? I wish you had introduced yourself back then. Maybe we could have avoided some of the misunderstandings."

"Yeah, me too. For weeks, I had gathered courage to call you, and when I finally did, I thought you were with a girlfriend."

"Lauren, huh? No way! she's 11! She's the daughter of one of my mother's colleagues. She's always been very clingy. We used to play horse when she was little, but she's way too old for that now. So, you thought I had a girlfriend, huh?"

"Yes, that's not so hard to imagine, is it? You're a sweet, good looking guy," I say.

…

I make us a pot of tea and we keep talking late into the evening; we discover a lot of the hurting and misunderstandings would have been avoided, if only we had declared our feelings to one another sooner.

I now know; Jasper going to Texas these last two years, was his way of protecting himself from the hurt he might have felt, had I not reciprocated his feelings. In addition, trying to submerse being attracted to boys instead of girls, as his family expects.

I explain to Jasper why my concern for waking him with my stir that morning in the barn, was the reason for me not being next to him when he woke; not that I regretted our actions. He understands, I mistook his silence and assumed indifference, for regret.

…

I tell Jasper about how turned on I was the summer when he applied aloe vera on my lower back after I was sunburned. One episode leads to another, and suddenly I recall a specific rather embarrassing one, and laugh. Jasper urges me to involve him in the amusement.

"Do you remember when we caught Em and Rose _doing it_ in the stables?"

"God yeah, it was such a turn on," he continues and I see a slight blushing in his cheeks.

"I know, I saw the bulge in your shorts," I say.

He smiles a bit embarrassed as I continue, "I also heard you jerking off in the shower later that day."

"Yes I know."

"You knew? How?" My voice raises a notch or two and Jasper laughs.

"Well I heard some noises in my room and later found the door open, though I recall closing it. When I saw the pile of spread Batman magazines on the bed, I knew it must have been you, and not one of my parents. I was so embarrassed when I ran into you in the courtyard, and you knew I had just jerked off, thinking about you."

"What do you mean, thinking about me?"

"Well didn't you hear me crying out your name as I came?"

"What? No, I did not hear that."

Esme sent me to go and get Jasper that summer day - he was late for dinner. The door to his house was open as always, so I just let myself in…

…

_Jasper is never late for Esme's Saturday dinner and I am a bit anxious on my way over to his house. The door is open and when I reach Jasper's room at the end of the hallway, I can hear the shower running. I knock on the closed door, but he cannot hear me; so I open the door, enter his room and notice the en suite bathroom door being slightly ajar._

_I can see the steam coming from his shower and smell the fresh clean soap he always uses. I sit on his bed and consider whether to make my announcement by knocking on the bathroom door, or let him finish his shower as not to startle him. I choose the later._

_To pass the time, I pick up a Batman comic from the floor and start turning pages, when I suddenly hear moans coming from the bathroom._

_It does not take me long to figure out he must be jerking off in the shower._

_Should I leave? It might be awkward if he finds me in his room afterwards, I think._

_I am about to rise from his bed when I hear some talking. He must have heard me after all._

_I consider whether to say hi, when I realize he is not talking to me. Is there another person in the bathroom with him, or is he talking to himself?_

_I find myself unable to leave his room even though I know what I am about to hear is not meant for my ears._

"_Oh yeah… suck me with those pouty lips… that's right… ungh… just there… _

… _Let me run my fingers through that silky hair of yours…_

… _Look at me… aaarrrghhh… I love those long lashes… "_

_I can hear the sound of his pumping fist as he has now turned off the running water, and I gather he is having a solo session, and not getting a blowjob by some girl. However, he is thinking of a specific girl while touching himself. Whom might that girl be? My guess is Rose. The features he praises certainly fits her look: pouty lips, soft hair and long lashes. _

_He is getting closer to his release and I can hear his moans and action getting more and more frantic._

"_Oh fuuuuuckkk… I want to come on your …" _

_I am completely turned on and I rush out of his bedroom, the second I hear the beginning of Jasper's release; forgetting to close the door behind me. __I run down the hallway, out of his house and towards a remote stable._

_As soon as I have checked for witnesses for what I am about to do; I lower my shorts and boxers and grab my hard cock in my right hand. __I pump hard to the memories of Jasper's dirty words and moans, and secretly hope they were meant for my ears. __I come fast and hard and have to steady myself on a booth door while coming down from my release. One of the horses sends me an odd look, and after I have put my shorts back on, I catch my breath and run my fingers through my hair._

_When I think I am presentable, I walk up to the house for dinner, preparing a speech along the way about not being able to locate Jasper. However, that turns out fruitless, as I see him coming towards me in the courtyard._

_His hair is still wet and I notice his slight blush, when he looks at me. _

"_Hi Ed, I see you're… uhm… late too?" He says while he searches for something in my appearance._

"_Yeah, I suddenly had some urgent business to tend to." I almost smile with my ambiguous reply._

_We remain silent the rest of the way up to the house. Jasper just looks me over a few times. _

_When we enter the dining room together, Esme sends us a funny look, but doesn't say anything. We take our seats and fill our plates with the delicious food Sue has prepared for all of us._

_I sit next to Rose and I notice Jasper looking her way more than once during dinner. When Rose leads in and whispers me something, I can feel his jealousy from across the table._

"_I know what you two boys have been up to, I can tell just by looking at your flushed cheeks," she says and turns her head towards Jasper, with a mischievous smile on her pretty lips. My eyes lock with his for a second and I see him staring at me with wonder._

_As soon as dinner is over, we nod goodbye. I go to my room and he goes home with his parents._

…

"Oh my God…" Jasper laughs loudly with his head rolled back "I recall that awkward diner and the days following it."

I blush, feeling a bit embarrassed about him knowing I witnessed his private shower session.

"Now we both know you should have joined me instead of just eavesdropping," he chuckles.

"Well, I didn't know back then, that you were thinking of me. From the things I heard; I thought you were thinking of Rose?"

"Rose!" Jasper almost spits. "Oh my God, you thought I jerked off while thinking of Rose? Whatever gave you that idea? Didn't you hear me moaning your name while I came?"

I look at him utterly amazed.

"I guess not," he goes on. "When I ran into you in the courtyard… I took a look at your face, and I thought you were embarrassed; having just witnessed me, your best friend, jerking off… thinking about you?"

I am totally confused right now.

Did Jasper just tell me he thought about me in a sexual way more than two years ago?

"But I heard you describe Rose's face and all the things you wished for her to do to you and…"

"No Ed, I wasn't describing Rose, I was describing you," he interrupts.

Then his long index finger traces along my lips, "pouty" he says, and places a soft kiss on them. He moves his hand to my messed up hair, and runs his fingers through it whispering "soft as silk". I close my eyes enjoying the feeling, and ever so gently, his lips touches each of my eyelids saying, "Long lashes" in between the kisses.

He has just proved to me, that _I_ was his desired object all along. He nips the skin just behind my right ear and whispers, "flawless, fucking amazing skin."

"The places I've just caressed are some of the features I desire the most about you, Ed. I hope I've proved to you, that you have been on my mind for some time now. I only wish you had heard me call out your name during my orgasm and told me you felt the same. Then maybe we could have been sparred all the misery we've been through."

"I never would have guessed you had more than friendly feelings for me or being into guys at all, Jaz. When we watched Em and Rose, I could see how turned on Rose made you."

"I thought so too, but what made me want to jerk off, was the images of Em's muscular arse, not Rose's big tits. However, fantasising about you, soon replaced the images of Em's butt. It bewildered me; being turned on by boys, but when I saw the effect you had on my arousal, I kept stroking to the thoughts of you none the less. I was a bit confused when I ran into you in the courtyard, and embarrassed about you knowing, I jerked off, thinking about you. Well now I know you didn't hear that part, but it took me some serious inner debates the following months to conclude, I might be gay."

…

"What happened this summer back in Texas since you're ashamed of your name, Jasper?" I ask him after a few minutes of silence and fondling.

He takes a deep breath before he tells the story.

"Peter came back to visit my sick aunt a few days before I left, but my uncle wouldn't let him see her. She had a nervous breakdown last year, and my uncle keeps her heavily sedated on prescribed drugs. He blames her for Peter being gay, and didn't tell her about Peter's visit. Peter tried to sneak into her bedroom during one night, but my uncle and some of his men, caught him and threatened him with their rifles. The next day I changed my plane ticket and that's actually the reason why, I came back earlier than planned. I couldn't stay under the same roof as a man who drove his son away; just for loving another man."

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry Jaz. What about Peter, did you talk to him?"

"Yes. I found him at the motel in the city and we had a long talk. Mostly about, my bigot uncle, and how Peter would be able to visit his mother, but I also told him about you. He was really helpful, and we have emailed a bit since. He hasn't given up on his mother, and I do hope they both get a chance to see each other soon. She misses him just as much as he misses her."

"What did your family say about the whole situation?"

"I haven't told my father why I returned before planned. To my uncle, I just said I had to go home and see my girlfriend before she left for university. Actually, I was hoping I would be in time to see you, before you returned to London. And boy, am I glad I did; even though I screwed things up."

"We're both to blame for all the misunderstandings. Promise me, we'll tell the truth from now on," I say and lean in to kiss him.

"Always the truth," he replies and kisses me back.

…

It is getting very late and I ask Jasper where he was planning to stay here in London. He tells me about a cheap hotel he has pre-booked on the internet. Even though the hotel is just around the corner from where I live, I cannot let him go. Now that he is finally here, so I ask him to stay… and he accepts.

* * *

**A/N**

Flashback in italic is to August 2008.

…

Okay, do you forgive/understand Jasper better now?

…

Next time: The boys spend some time together… Prepare yourself for some fluff.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N**

Another chapter ready for you before the week is over.

Thanks for the reviews, follows and favorites. They mean a lot to me. I'm always happy to read what you think of my story.

I do not own Twilight or its characters, Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to take them out to play.

...

This chapter and some of the next ones are NSFW. If you're under 18, please find your entertainment elsewhere.

* * *

Even though the hotel is just around the corner from where I live, I cannot let him go. Now that he is finally here, so I ask him to stay… and he accepts.

…

**Chapter 10**

We prepare ourselves for bed. Jasper gets his bag and finds a pair of pajama bottoms and one of his old white T-shirts, along with a brand new toothbrush.

When we are done in the bathroom, he waits for me to point out where he is going to sleep. There is enough room on the couch for him to stretch properly, but I really want him as close to me as possible. I will neither repeat the episode from the barn, where he woke up, missing our body contact.

"We can both sleep in my bed, but let's just sleep tonight. We're both mentally exhausted and we can always fool around tomorrow," I say - the last sentence with a smile.

I know fooling around does not sound very mature. However, both of us are brand new to this whole situation of having a boyfriend. We had better take it slowly in the beginning. There will be plenty of time to explore in the future.

We pull the blanket down and get into my bed at the same time.

"Goodnight Ed," he says and places a soft kiss on my right cheek when we lie next to each other.

"Goodnight Jaz," I reply and search for his hand.

That is how we fall asleep… holding hands.

…

I have the most wonderful dream about Jasper turning up at my place, and sigh deeply when my alarm clock tears me away from my dream. I forgot to turn if off last night before I went to sleep. I do not have any lectures today so I can stay in bed for another hour… one more blissful hour in Jasper-dream-land.

I try lifting my arm towards the nightstand where my alarm clock is, but somehow I cannot lift it.

That is when I realize my dream was not a dream after all. Jasper is really here in my flat, and he is lying next to me in my bed, with my arm supporting his beautiful, but heavy head.

I free my arm and turn off the alarm before he wakes up. I am amazed he can sleep through the buzzing noise, but then again he has always been a heavy sleeper. He did not snore during the night though, which I appreciate, as I am a light sleeper myself.

I lie awake a few minutes, just watching his beautiful face, and try to comprehend the thought of having a boyfriend!

He stirs in his sleep and a few minutes later, he opens his eyes and looks at me with two deep pools of blue.

"Morning Ed," he says in a very sleepy and sexy voice, a voice that goes straight to my groin.

"Morning," I reply and smile back at him.

He moves closer to me and his scent makes me even harder.

"Edward…" he says with a smile on his lips as he inches even closer, "can we please fool around now?"

He looks adorable and without saying anything, I lift the blanket; turn over and slowly crawl up his body, until we connect from groin to chest. He spreads his legs and our morning erections touch. I place feather light kisses on his neck and jaw line while I make circular movements with my hips. I can feel our hard cocks grinding against each other in our pajama bottoms.

"Sure… let's fool around…" I whisper in his ear several minutes later than he popped the question.

Jasper groans loudly and looks at me with lustful eyes. I keep adding pressure to our groins with my moving hips, as I kiss him eagerly.

"I take this is stage one – dry humping," Jasper says through clenched teeth.

"Oh, there are stages?" I dare him.

"Yeeessss," he moans as I find a particularly sensitive spot on his neck.

"How many?" I ask him, dying to know what he is referring to.

"So far I've thought of seven," he replies and then he flips us over as I lose my concentration. Seven… fuck!

Jasper grabs my wrists and places my arms above my head. He holds them there with his left hand while his right starts to unbutton my old-fashioned pajama shirt.

I twist and turn, aching for him to touch me, and then he starts kissing my neck, moving lower and lower down my heated torso. He lets go of my arms, but I keep them above my head, enjoying the lead he is taking.

When he reaches my left nipple, he gently sucks on it and makes it hard as pebble. I gasp loudly… no one has ever sucked on my nipples before, and I did not know how much pleasure it could bring. The pleasure goes straight to the still growing bulge in my pants. He gives the right nipple the same attention, and lifts his head to look at me for some sort of approval before he moves even further down my torso.

He reaches my navel and gives it a sweet kiss. Then he lets his wet tongue travel along my happy trail until he comes to the elastic band of my bottoms. He blows along the wet track he has made, and the feeling is almost too overwhelming. Then he stops, and I do not know if I want to cry or relax.

Jasper makes his way back up to my lips and we kiss passionately.

"Fuck Ed. I can hardly control myself," he pants and keeps grinding into me. "You smell so good and taste even better. I can't wait until I can taste the rest of you. I want to worship you, make you feel good, see you come undone."

That is all it takes… I come in my pants and can feel he follows mere seconds later. So much for stamina…

My heart is pounding and I can feel his heart too, as I hold him to me while we ride through our mutual orgasm.

It is not the first time I have jizzed my pants, but I still do not like the feeling when the semen gets cold and sticky, so I suggest we get out of bed and take a shower.

"Can I join you in the shower?" he asks. "I would really love to see you… I mean all of you… and I know you have some packet to show," he jokes.

I want him to join me, but I really need to take a leak first, and even though we have become very intimate these last hours, I still want some privacy. Therefore, we take turns to use my bathroom. I also clean myself from the mess I have made in my pants, and brush my teeth.

I assume Jasper does the same routine, and when he is done, I rejoin him in the bathroom.

We have both discarded our pajama tops, and I can clearly see he has lost some weight since August. I kiss his collarbone and I feel his hands stroking my back. When his fingers reach the waist of my pajama bottoms, he hooks his thumps inside and lowers them. He has to lift them out a bit at the front, as I am already semi hard. His eyes never leave mine while his fingers do the job on their own.

When my trousers falls to the floor and he realizes I am not wearing any underwear, he slowly lower his eyes, and gazes at me. He does not touch me, but my dick twists by his stare alone.

"Fuck, you're so beautiful," he says and I have never felt so desired my entire life.

I am eager to see him as well. I need to see what he looks like, smells like and tastes like down there, where I have touched him only once.

"Now you," I say and feel like a 10 year old showing my willy to a girl who is about to show me her fanny.

He gets rid of his pants and I recognize the white boxer briefs he always seems to be wearing. There is a dark spot at the front, evidence from our little action minutes before.

"They hug my packet and arse nicely," he jokes when he sees me looking at his groin.

"Indeed they do, but they need to come off anyway," I say in a husky voice.

I trace a finger down his body until I reach the elastic band of his briefs. I let my index finger slip inside and stroke his bare cock, but Jasper claps my hand and makes tsk-tsk sounds. He lowers the briefs himself and I can hardly contain myself.

His dick hangs heavy between his trimmed blonde curls and bounces lightly when I slowly trace my index finger along the smooth skin. Even though he's only semi hard, I can tell he has more girth than I do. What fascinates me the most is his foreskin. I cannot wait to see his pink head pop free, when I pull the ridged band back. It is like a present, my very personal present, waiting to be unwrapped.

"Come shower with me dream boy," he says and snaps his fingers in front of my eyes. "I can only take you approve of what you've seen so far?"

I have a hard time comprehending this is really happening, and I almost need to pinch my arm to make sure, I am not in the middle of one of my many Jasper-fantasies.

He turns on the water, and I am glad my shower is big enough for the both of us.

We take turns under the running water and Jasper grabs my shampoo from the inbuilt shelf. He opens the bottle and sighs when the fragrance reaches his nostrils, "Ahhhh, smells just like you. It's intoxicating to have your scent surrounding me."

I have been using that same shampoo for ages, and it pleases me he recognizes my scent as I do his. He adds some shampoo to his palms and starts massaging my head. It feels amazing and he makes sure I do not get any foam in my eyes, when he rinses the shampoo out of my hair.

I return the favor and get a bit lost in the feeling of his slightly longer wet hair gliding through my fingers. The way he softly moans, tells me, he likes the intimacy as well.

I take my shower gel and start cleaning his arms and chest. My fingers slide easily over his firm wet body. I remind myself to buy some massage oil, so I can touch him like this, outside the shower as well.

My hands move lower and I feel the muscles in his stomach contract by the contact. He inhales deeply and groans loudly when my fingers touch the head of his, now fully aroused, cock. My hands move even lower and I gently massage his balls with my soapy fingers. I hear him moan in my ear as his head rests on my shoulder. When he grabs my hand and says, "Stop a minute." I know ball massage is a big turn on for him.

"You need to stop touching me like that if I have to make it to stage two."

"Oh yeah?" I say eager to know what the next stage is.

Rather than telling me, Jasper shows me.

He takes some shower gel in his wet palms and washes my body; paying close attention to the v that leads him down to my groin. I can hardly hold myself upright when he wraps his soapy fingers around both our cocks, and let them slide together in his fist.

"This, this is stage two," he whispers in my ear.

"Do you like our big cocks sliding together, baby?"

Fuck, here comes the dirty talk. My head rests on his shoulder and I nip his neck with my eyes closed… the feeling is overwhelming.

"Look at us…" he urges "… so fucking hot!"

I open my eyes and release the biggest moan I have ever made

His foreskin slides back and forth, revealing his pink head and my own sensitive glans oozes precum.

"Can't wait to taste that," Jasper says "but that's stage three, and we're not there yet."

The thought of Jasper's hot mouth on me, is enough to make me come. My body spasm and ropes of milky cum hit our stomachs and cover Jasper's cock and still pumping hand.

"Jesus… Ed," he screams as he release semen seconds later. He presses me against the shower wall, while his still stroking hand milks our cocks for the last drops.

When we are truly spent, we slide down the wall and sit on the wet floor for a few minutes, catching our breaths, while the water washes the evidence of our action down the drain.

"Fuck, will it always be intense like this with you Ed?" he asks when we dry our very relaxed bodies.

"I hope so," I say, "and this was only stage two!" I chuckle.

He gently smacks my bottom with his wet and wrapped towel and I whine.

"Ouch! What did you do that for?" I ask and laugh.

"You have such lovely arse cheeks. I had to see if your perfect white skin turns slightly pink by contact, just like your cute face cheeks."

…

While we get dressed, I think about whether I would prefer to be a top or a bottom when we come to that stage. I know from the porn, I have watched, that there is a lot of pleasure for both parts. I hope Jasper will enjoy being on the giving as well as the receiving end, so to speak. I would very much like us to have a versatile sexual relationship.

However, we have time to talk about that as I do not think stage three or four includes actual penetration.

We make some breakfast and talk about what we are going to do today, besides fooling around, as Jasper adds.

I have no classes today and since Jasper is not really a big city kind of guy, we decide to go for a walk in my neighborhood.

…

We cannot seem to keep our hands of each other and our bodies keep brushing whenever we are close enough. I find myself searching for his hand as we walk down my street

"Is this okay with you? I mean holding hands with a guy in public?" I ask.

Jasper looks surprised at me and says, "Hell yeah, I've no problems with what people might think."

I like walking around holding hands with my first boyfriend. I plan to make him the _only_ boyfriend too. I do not care what people I know might think; neither my neighbors nor the shop owners from the shops we visit.

I show Jasper some antique shops in Portobello Road, and he is very interested in all the old uniforms we find in one of them. We try some of them on, and suddenly I have my old best childhood friend back. We laugh and joke all along.

In my favorite second-hand bookshop, I search for some titles I still miss in my English classic novel collection. I like to buy old leather bound copies instead of paperbacks. Somehow, Dickens' works seem more real in the older bindings. While I browse the shelves, I notice Jasper paying for a rather large book. I cannot see the title of the book before it is stored in a bag. I am rather curios since he rarely reads, but maybe it is a book about the American civil war. I decide not to ask. He can share if he wants to. We can have some minor secrets, even though we are boyfriends.

God, how I like the sound of that word.

Jasper meets me at the exit, and I take him to my favorite lunch café where we talk about my family and friends in Scotland. Suddenly, the awareness of Jasper living in Scotland, so far away, dawns on me. I ask him when he is returning and he says he can stay until Wednesday afternoon. Thursday, he has to help Esme with the arrival of some new horses. That means we only have two more days, before we have to part.

As Jasper sees my sadness, he grabs my hand and jokes "Come on Ed, that's plenty of time to reach at least stage four." However, I can see he is aware of the distance between our homes too.

I do not even know what stage three is, but I smile at him when I remember the shower we had this morning. The thought of him going back home on Wednesday still lingers at the back of my head during our lunch, though.

...

After a walk in the park and a cup of coffee, it is late in the afternoon. We buy some good old fish & chips on our way back home, and when we are in my flat and I empty my pockets, I can see my phone blinking, indicating there are several new messages. I have 9 from Alice alone!

"You okay there?" Jasper asks as he sees me scrolling through her messages.

"Yes, but I should probably just send her a text. She's a bit nervous or maybe just curious about how it's going with you and me," I reply.

"I like how she keeps an eye out for you. Hope I get a chance to meet her again someday." Jasper says.

I like how comfortable he seems about meeting my best friend under better circumstances than yesterday. I think they will get on perfectly, as soon as Alice has forgiven him for breaking my heart this summer that is.

After we have eaten our dinner, I send Alice a calm-down-text. Meanwhile, I can hear Jasper washing his hands and brushing his teeth in the bathroom. That might be a great idea, since we just ate greasy fish & chips covered in vinegar. I take my turn in the bathroom, and when I join him in the living room, he has made tea and is browsing through my DVD collection.

I may be into old English classics when it comes to literature, but with movies, I am more of a fantasy or action-kind-of-guy. Therefore, I am excited to see what he has picked.

"Let's watch a movie… that's what new boyfriends do right?" Jasper says when he becomes aware of my appearance.

He has picked Memento. It is by my favorite director, but I have not seen this one yet. We settle on my couch, but I cannot keep focused on the plot in the movie. The feather light kisses Jasper places on my neck while I rest against his chest, steals all my attention. I reach for the remote control and turn off the TV.

"Oh Ed, I want you so much," Jasper says with a husky voice.

I turn around in his embrace and tug him down with me, so we are lying face to face.

"Me too Jaz." I moan.

His fingers move under my T-shirt and just above the waistband of my jeans, caressing the lowest part of my back. It brings back memories of the summer I stayed too long in the sun.

"The day you tended my sunburn, did more than just turn me on Jaz. It was the first time I knew for sure, that I thought of you as more than just my best friend," I tell him between our heated kisses.

"Really? … I found the interaction intimate too somehow, but I didn't know back then what I know now", he says.

"What do you know now?" I ask, rather impatient.

"One, I'm in love with you too, Edward. Two, we need to go to your bedroom now, so I can show you how much I love and desire you. Three, yes it's time for stage _three_, baby!"

* * *

**A/N**

Hope you enjoyed the shower scene. Next chapter we learn about _stage three_… and Alice is back.

Have you guessed what kind of book Jasper bought? I would love to hear your theories… Jasper might post you, your very own copy if your guess is right.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N**

I did it… a chapter update before the weekend. Enjoy!

This chapter and the next one are NSFW. If you're under 18 or m/m sex offends you, please find your entertainment elsewhere.

…

I do not own Twilight or its characters, Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to take them out to play.

* * *

"One, I'm in love with you too, Edward. Two, we need to go to your bedroom now, so I can show you how much I love and desire you. Three, yes it's time for stage three, baby!"

…

**Chapter 11**

"Jaz, before we go to the bedroom… I need to ask you how come you know so much about stages in gay sex life, when you've never been with a guy before." I ask him as we take our cups to the kitchen and clean up.

"Oh babe, I've had plenty of time to think it through. All those lonely nights in Texas this summer, I fantasized about you and me being together, and all the amazing things we would do to each other. I also found some rather informative pages on the internet when the others had gone to sleep." Jasper replies. He wraps his arms around me, and pulls me closer. I can feel the growing erection in his pants against my arse, and I teasingly push back – causing a deep moan from him.

He pushes back. Bites my ear lobe and places kisses along my jaw line. "You know I've never _been_ with another guy, as I said, but that's not because I lacked invitations," he whispers.

"No, I never doubted that," I say as I turn my head, giving him better access to my neck. As I urge him to continue, he takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom where we now sit on the edge of my bed.

"There were this mid-twenties couple at the ranch," he starts telling me… "James and Victoria."

I am a bit confused now… a man _and _a woman?

"Don't look so surprised, they were really hot. Just like Em and Rose, you know?" He giggles and looks for my approval.

"They must have noticed they never saw me with nor heard me talk about girls around the camp fire at night. One day Victoria… oh my, she had real pretty reddish hair like you Ed, found me in a particular sad mood and asked if I needed someone to talk to. I told her about you and all the feelings and fantasies I did not know what to do with. She told me she and James liked to spice up their sex life, so if ever I needed some real release instead of just fantasy orgasms, I was welcome to join them. I couldn't believe it, and weeks went by before I'd gathered enough courage to face them."

His statement astonishes me.

"I don't understand… You had sex with them?" I ask with a rather high-pitched voice.

"No not _with_ them - I watched. They liked having an audience while they fucked. I learned a thing or two, as she gave great hand- and blowjobs and they both liked anal sex," he confirms.

"But how did…" I do not get to ask my question before he interrupts me.

"You'd be surprised," he says matter-of-factly with a crooked smile. "But now, I really need to be a good student and practice some of Victoria's amazing tricks…" Jasper implies with a sexy voice.

I swallow and feel my cock hardening in my boxers. Jesus, I have no idea what all those tricks and stages he talks about will be, but I cannot wait to try them all. I have seen my share of gay porn on the internet, and I know there are several ways to please your lover. However, I have never made any lists… well that is not completely true. I have a rather large variety of Jasper fantasies to jerk off to.

We take turns in my bathroom and tonight we skip the pajamas. I subdue the light in my bedroom and go lie down on the bedspread; waiting for Jasper to join me.

"Fuck, you're so hot when you lie there waiting for me," Jasper says while he takes me in from the end of the bed. He climbs in and soon his fingers moves down my stomach, following the line of hair, from my navel to the band of my boxers.

"Ed, I really want to taste you, is that alright?"

"Pleeeaaasseee…" It is all I manage to say, as I am aching with need. His husky voice makes me even harder in my now too tight boxer shorts.

His index finger traces along the elastic band, and I lift my hips so he can ease my boxers down my legs. He tells me not to expect too much, since he has never given nor taken a blowjob before. He sits between my now spread legs, and I place a pillow under my head so I am able to see him, and follow what I know he is about to do any second now. My cock is achingly hard and lies flat against my stomach as his warm hand gently strokes the underside from root to top. He stops just before my sensitive head.

"Babe, why are you circumcised?" he asks me, still stroking my length with a finger. I tell him about it being a family tradition, just as I feel his tongue licking my shaft. This time he does not stop when he reaches my head. His tongue swirls around my sensitive glans a few times before he points his tongue and presses the tip down my slit. I nearly blow my load. He moves back and looks pleased when he sees my reaction to his actions.

"Well that might be the only wise decision your mother ever made. I just love your cut dick, all ready for me to eat," he says before I feel his hot breathe tracing the wet line he made seconds before. I shiver and beg him for more, and send my thanks to Victoria and James for making him an exceptional student.

I can feel precum leaking from my slit and Jasper gathers it with his tongue. I know what my cum tastes like, because I was curious some years ago. It is not too bad, a bit salty. The way Jasper hums, I figure my taste pleases him. It is not a real blowjob he is performing – more a lick-job, but then again, this is a very new experience for the both of us, and a few more licks and swirls is all it takes for me to come. The sensation is very intense and I do not notice if Jasper moves away in time. When I open my eyes, I see sprays of cum on my stomach but also a drop on Jasper's cheek. Fuck that looks hot.

"Was that alright for you, babe?" he asks, looking adorable.

"Totally," I reply and see the proud look on his face before I pull him closer, and smash my lips against his. I can taste myself on his lips, and wonder if he did get a bit of my cum in his mouth, as he tastes a bit salty.

We come up for air and I lick the drop away from his cheek and reach over for a Kleenex on my nightstand. As I wipe the cum away from my stomach and the bit that is now on his as well, he says, "Well aren't you prepared," and we both let out a liberating laugh.

I feel amazingly relaxed but can tell by looking at Jasper's brief clad crotch that he is in much need of a release too. When he feels my stare, he turns my head up so our eyes meet.

"You don't have to return the favor tonight, babe. A hand job is just fine by me," his sweet voice says.

He must have mistaken my lustful stare for nervousness.

"No, I want to smell and taste you too, Jaz. Believe me I do, I just hope I don't disappoint you."

"You could never disappoint me. Just thinking about you is enough to make me come," Jasper smiles.

I lean in a give him a soft kiss on the mouth and then I cover his beautiful body with kisses, from collarbone to the band of his white boxer briefs.

Instead of taking them off right away, I trace my nose along his hard shaft and inhale deeply. He smells fantastic and I can see a damp spot right where the head of his dick lies. I sneak a finger inside and touch the smooth skin of his length. He twists and turns on my bed, and together we ease his briefs off.

"Eager now, are we?" I tease him.

"You have no idea," he replies.

When he lies there completely naked before me, I can hardly believe my luck - it is my wildest fantasy come true. I want to worship him in every way I can, and I hope some of the internet porn I have watched lately, will prove to be worth the while. I place myself between his spread legs, as he did with me. I figure I will have better access to his cock and balls this way. Again, I stroke my nose along his length and inhale his musky smell. My hand takes over, and I raise his cock form his stomach where it lies rested in his nest of trimmed golden curls. I gently pump him a few times before I lick him from root to head.

"Jesus Fucking Christ," Jasper almost screams.

He lifts his head from the blanket and looks at me with hooded eyes. I point to my stack of pillows, and he places them under his head, in order to view my actions better. He tastes even better than I could ever imagine, and I swirl my tongue around his thick shaft until I get to the top. Ever so slowly, I push his foreskin back with my fingers and his pink glans appears. It is the most fascinating thing I have ever seen. I am sure if I had my own foreskin, I would play peek-a-boo all day long! I smile at my thought and Jasper asks what is so funny about his dick.

I get an idea and instead of answering him, I start to sing, "Dear Jasper, won't you come out to play?"*

He giggles, but not for long. I continue to hum around him, while I suck as much of him as possible inside my mouth. There will be no deep throating tonight - just plenty of licking and sucking. While my mouth is full with his cock, my fingers run up and down the inside of his upper thighs. In the shower this morning, I noticed he liked it when I touched his balls, so I roll them between my fingers, and I gently brush the soft skin just behind them. He is taking deeper breaths now. I could easily move my fingers further back, and I would be touching his most intimate place. However, I think we will save that for a later stage.

I can feel the tension building in his body and I replace my mouth with my pumping fist, as I gently press the spot right behind his balls with two fingers from my other hand. His body spasms and waves of pleasure run through him as he paints my hand and his stomach with thick ropes of cum. I place a kiss on his sensitive head and my tongue gathers some of his essence. It is not bad, and I am glad his salty taste does not offend me, as I have other oral tricks I will like to perform in the future.

"Where the fuck did you learn something like that, if you haven't blown anyone before?" he asks when he has come down from his orgasm.

"I too have watched a lot of porn, Jaz, and I've had plenty of years to fantasize about what I would do to you, if ever I got the chance. Just remember, this was only stage three!" I joke.

He looks at me in a horny way and reassures me he will be ready for stage four in a few minutes. I laugh and tell him we better clean up and get some sleep instead. I have not told him I need to go to a lecture in the afternoon, but that can wait until tomorrow. Tonight we sleep without any clothes on. I like the feeling of our warm naked skin touching, as he spoons me.

"Goodnight babe," he says and kisses me behind my ear.

"Goodnight Angel," I reply.

"You just called me Angel," Jasper says with amazement in his voice.

I had not realized I had said it aloud, and I turn around and look into his blue eyes.

"I have watched you sleep a few times, and when your face is all relaxed and your hair lies spread on a pillow, you almost look angelic. You also saved me by turning up on my doorstep, and that makes the name fit even better. Do you mind me calling you Angel when we're intimate?"

Jasper gives me a sweet kiss on the lips, "No I don't mind babe - I love it."

Then he kisses me a few more times before we go back to our spooning position and fall asleep.

…

During the night, I have turned over and I now lie face to face with my beautiful Angel. His tight fist is pumping my morning wood under the blanket and I try to stroke him too. Our position is awkward but we both come in no time and kiss passionately before we share a warm shower.

"Ed, will you do something for me tonight?" Jasper asks while I wash his back.

"Anything!" I reply.

"I've noticed how smooth your balls are, would you help me shave mine too?"

Jasper trims his pubic hair and has a bit of downy blonde hair on his balls. I do not mind his soft hair. I have shaved my balls for some time now, and I tell Jasper that when you have done it once, you will never go back to hairy balls. First, because it is a very itchy time when the hair grows back, second because you get addicted to the feeling of the smooth skin.

"Well, that is one addiction I won't mind," he concludes.

We dry one another's backs and get dressed. Jasper in faded jeans, a white V-neck T-shirt and no socks. I like him walking around barefoot. It looks very sexy and like he feels comfortable in my flat.

We slept until 9 o'clock this morning, and with the little action we had before the shower, it is now too late for breakfast but too early for lunch, so we make a light brunch. When we are full, I tell Jasper I need to go to a lecture for a couple of hours at the university. I am a bit afraid of his reaction, but he is not holding me back. We have at least two hours before I need to be there and decide to go for a little walk. We can buy some groceries on our way back and Jasper suggest he will prepare dinner while I am away. He also tells me he will make the dreaded but necessary phone call to his parents.

There is no denying he is nervous. Telling your parents their only son is gay and in love with his best friend is never an easy task, but with a narrow-minded father, it must be even harder.

"Jasper, if it would make you feel any better, you can make the call now, before I leave for my lecture. Then we'll be able to talk it through right away," I say as I reach for his hand.

"Thank you Edward, I think I'd like that. Is it all right if I make the call by myself, and we just talk about it afterwards?"

I tell him he can use the phone in my bedroom to call his parents. It is better than his cell phone and gives him the privacy he asks for. I give him a kiss and wish him good luck.

Seeing this unknown nervous side of Jasper, makes me think about coming out to my own family.

My mother has loads of gay friends in Italy: stylists, florists and interior designers. She always invites these "lovely-colorful-people" to her soirees. So maybe she will think it is great to have a gay son. I am not so sure about Aro, though. One thing is the artistic friends they have, another is family; even if we are not blood related. I find that I am indifferent about how they are going to react when I tell them, sometime in the future.

The people's approval I cannot live without, Esme's and Carlisle's is a completely different matter. I promise myself I will give them a call and break the news of having a boyfriend as soon as Jasper has gone home. I only hope Jasper's father will not have told them before I get to do it myself.

…

While Jasper makes the call from my bedroom, and I pack my messenger bag with my laptop and some books I need for the lecture, my doorbell rings. I know from the intervals, that it is Alice. I blame myself for not calling her last night, instead of having to deal with her now. But then again, she is my best friend apart from Jasper, and I better let her in before she destroys my bell.

When I open the door, I find myself run over by her tiny figure. She is carrying a very large plastic bag along with her usual oversized shoulder bag. I do not know what it is with girls and all the _stuff_ they always need to carry around with them 24/7. She walks straight to my living room.

"Thank God you're home, Edward. Wouldn't want to carry this around all day," She says as she drops both bags and herself on my couch.

"Hello to you too, Alice," I say when I join her on my couch.

She says hi, and gives me a friendly kiss on the cheek and asks where Goldilocks is hiding. I can tell she is hoping for the best, but ready to help me through my heartache if the Jasper-situation has turned bad.

"He's still here, Alice." I give her the biggest smile I can produce.

She looks around my living room hoping to catch a glimpse of him and I continue,

"He's in my bedroom calling his parents and telling them about us. He thinks it's easier breaking the news of having a boyfriend over the phone than face to face with his rather narrow minded father."

"Wow! I am so happy for you Edward," she almost squeals with delight. "I can't wait to hear all about it… also the juicy details," she says in a serious voice.

"Alice, I know we're close… but, I think I might want to keep the more juice details to myself," I add.

"Spoilsport! I come well prepared then," she says as she empties the content of the plastic bag on my couch. I go completely numb when I realize she has brought a whole sex store to my flat. There are dildos in all kind of sizes and colors, flavored condoms, butt plugs (do not ask me how I know about those!), lube, a how-to-give-fantastic-fellatio-guide and DVDs.

"I hoped this bag's content was the right pick, but…" then she looks in her other bag and finds a jar of B&J ice cream, our favorite vanilla flavor "… I bought this in case we needed comfort food. We can eat it anyway, don't you think?" she asks, making puppy eyes. I laugh and urge her to open the jar while I get us some spoons. How anybody can live without an Alice in his or her life, is a mystery to me - I conclude, while we share the ice cream.

Jasper has not joined us yet, and I hope everything is going all right next door. I will give him five more minutes before I check in on him.

"Alice where does all this things come from," I ask her while I look at the waterproof lube.

"My cousin Mike took me to this erotic shop, when I told him about you and Jasper. I've never been to one, you know, and didn't really want to go at first. But then I did anyway, curious as I am, and it was soooo much fun," she continues, looking like a child at Christmas Eve. "There were all kinds of _stuff_. Did you know they even have costumes there?"

I am not sure I want to know about that part. I pick up one of the silicone dildos she has bought. The color is nude and it looks rather realistic with its cut head and veins.

"At least I did not get you the pink one with glitter… I might just have bought that for myself though," Alice blabs.

I raise an eyebrow at her.

She blushes a bit and adds, "Well it was so cute… it even vibrates. I'll show you next time you come over."

There are three DVDs in the pile. I pick them up and read some of the cover texts, not that there will be much plot information. I am glad to see, she at least bought some according to my taste. The guys on the covers look around my age and there's no leather or beards.

"Do you know there're all kind of categories when it comes to gay porn," she says enthusiastically and starts to rattle them off.

When I look at one of the covers, I actually recognize the guys from some of the videos I watch on my favorite porn site. They are what Alice just referred to as Twinks - lanky 18-year old boys. I take a closer look at the cover and notice the sealing has been broken.

"Alice how come the sealing is broken on this DVD – is it one of Mike's old ones?"

"Oh… you noticed. Well, let's just say I had to check the quality before I handed them over to you." Her cheeks are completely red and she buries her head in one of my pillows.

I laugh loudly.

"Okay, okay… so what! I actually thought the boys looked hot and wanted to see what I'm missing out on," she says.

"Was it hot then?" I tease.

"Oh you have no idea Edward… it got to a point where I…"

"ALICE! I don't want to know," I scream.

By that time, Jasper returns to the living room. He looks a bit bewildered by our behavior as Alice and I are in the middle of a pillow fight.

"Looks like fun," he says and we both stop, a bit embarrassed about our actions.

…

"How did it go I ask him?" on my way over to where he is standing. He looks completely calm, but it could be a façade or chock even. I take his hand and we walk back to my bedroom for some privacy. I signal for Alice to stay in my living room. Jasper and I take a seat on my bed, but he remains silent.

"Please say something… were they mean to you, Angel?" I question him, dreading his answer. I cannot bear for him to feel unloved and unwanted by his parents.

"Oh Edward, I must be the worst judge of character in the world," he finally says.

"What, I don't understand…" I start, but Jasper interrupts me.

"First I failed to realize I'm in love with you, and then I misread your actions and thought you didn't feel the same about me, and now my father…"

"Jasper, I still don't follow you…"

"All this time, I thought my father was a bigot trying to raise me believing homosexuality is wrong. When it was me… _I_ misinterpreted his words all along. He never said he wanted to hurt Peter or that he found him a disgrace for the Whitlock family. He was speaking of my uncle. He dissociates himself from his brother's actions towards Peter and the way he prevents Peter from visiting his sick mum," he says, voice trembling.

"But you said you heard your father saying…"

"I know. I thought he meant Peter was a disgrace. I never heard him say Peter's name, I just assumed he meant him, and not my uncle. See what I mean… about being a bad judge of character. How did I believe my mother would love my father and stay with him if he actually meant those words?" Jasper says in a tearful voice.

"Jasper, you mustn't blame yourself. We all sometimes misinterprets words and actions, I did the same with you, remember?"

"Yeah, but how could I have misjudge my father like that?" Tears start falling down his cheeks.

"Sometimes we just make wrong assumptions… Hey, how did they react to the information about you being gay and having your first boyfriend then?" I smile.

He wipes the tears from his cheeks away with the back of his hand and sniffs before he sighs with relief.

"They're very proud of me for telling them, and they're very happy that we are now more than just friends. They both really like you, you know. I think my mother might have suspected there was more than just friendship between us."

"I am very proud of you too," I say and tell him I will call Esme and Carlisle tomorrow night.

"We already know that Esme knows we're in love, but do you think she has told Carlisle?" he asks.

"Even though I've never meet anyone as close to one another as my aunt and uncle, I don't think Esme has told him anything. She hasn't even heard it from me yet. However, Carlisle knows something's up. I could tell when he drove me to the station in August."

"What about Bella? She's not been very communicative the last few months. I blame it on her crush on Jacob, but do you think she knows about you and me?" Jasper asks.

"I know for a fact she does. I told her I am in love with you on the very first day during my stay this summer. Or rather, she told me. She's a very sweet girl and she helped me get through the summer without you," I reply.

"Okay, that might be the reason why she's not been very nice towards me since you and I did not part on the best of terms," he says and continues. "I'm really sorry I hurt you so much this and last summer, babe. Please believe if I could turn back the time, I would do it all differently."

"We are both to blame, Jaz. I should have told you about my feelings a long time ago instead of being too afraid of losing you as a friend. Let's not dwell with the past. We still have around 24 hours together, and tomorrow we'll talk about how we're going to make this long distance relationship work." I kiss away the remaining tears and grab his hand.

"Come, I want to introduce you properly to Alice."

…

When we return to my living room, Alice has risen from the couch and stands impatiently next to it.

"Jasper, I'd like you to meet my best friend Alice, and Alice I'd like you to meet my new boyfriend Jasper," I say as they stand across from each other.

"Very nice to meet you properly Alice," Jasper says and gives her his hand.

Alice takes it and replies, "Oh, it'll be my pleasure to get to know you better, Jasper."

He smiles one of his wide dimpled smiles and I can see Alice is as affected as I am, when he turns on his charm. She takes a close look at his outfit, and notice the bare feet.

"Fuck he's hot," she whispers when she passes me on her way back to where she left her shoulder bag. "Ed, look what I brought," she says while she searches her bag and takes out her Polaroid camera.

Now I recall why she needs such a big bag. Instead of using her cell phone camera, Alice often carries this ancient thing around with her in case she sees a dress or something else she would like to capture, for inspiration later on.

"I remember you said you did not have any photos of Jasper here in London, now you can take some. I think there're five or six sheets left," she continues.

I do not tell her Jasper brought my photo album from Scotland. I can tell her later in the week when I am sure, she drops by to get all the details anyway. I thank her for lending us her camera and kindly but firmly indicates she can leave now.

"Hope very much to see you again Jasper, I think we could be great friends too," she giggles as she packs her bag and put on her coat.

"I hope so," Jasper replies.

I follow her to the front door and she whines, "Oh, you look so cute together. I am so happy for you Edward. I guess Laurent won't be happy about your happy news. Please call me soon, or even better, you can come over to my place? I've got some news too, you see."

I am about to ask what she's referring to, but she just strolls past me saying, "Byeeeee Edward."

I can tell Alice has made an impact on Jasper as well, and I am relieved the two most important people in my life, seem to get along. Fuck, I had forgotten all about Laurent. I had better call him soon, letting him know I now have a boyfriend.

Jasper and I no longer have time for a walkbefore I have to be at my lecture, so we just go to my local super market and buy groceries for tonight's supper. Jasper is going to make his famous Chili con carne since he has at least 2-3 hours to kill before I return. I have never tasted it. Apparently, he learned how to make a mean chili during his stay in Texas.

…

When we return from our walk, we unpack the groceries and I ask Jasper one more time if he is okay with me going to the lecture. He nods approvingly.

The Polaroid camera lies on my coffee table and I grab it and tell Jasper I want to take his picture, to bring along with me. I take a close up and he smiles his wide dimpled smile at me. God he is beautiful and all mine. The photo ejects and I place it on the table, waiting for it to develop, as I have seen Alice do so many times. I am very pleased with the result. Now I have the possibility of carrying him around in my pocket all the time. He wants a photo of me too and we change position. I have always been a bit shy having my picture taken, but I will do anything to make Jasper happy, so I pose.

He asks if the camera has a self-release button and I am glad when I see it has one. He indicates for us to sit on my couch, leans back against the armrest and pads the place between his legs. I place the camera on my coffee table on top of some books and look through the lens to focus on Jasper's face. Then I press the release button before I snuggle into his chest. Just before the camera take our picture, he whispers, "I love you, Edward". After the self-release-click, I turn around in his embrace and kiss him, "I love you too, Angel"

The photo ejects and when it is dry, we look at it together. It is the first photo of us as lovers and I can see our passion shining through. We leave the photo on the table and I take the one of Jasper and place it in my laptop sleeve pocket.

It is time for me to leave if I want to make it to the lecture in time. I would rather skip the lecture, but it is an American professor lecturing about Henry James - my favorite American novelist, and I have been looking forward to hear him speak since I saw the announcement.

Being apart for a few hours will be some kind of test of what we are about to experience in a larger scale tomorrow afternoon when Jasper travels back to Scotland. I am already dreading the farewell and separation. I give him a spare key in case he needs to go out shopping for a forgotten ingredient, put on my jacket, grab my bag and give him a hug and a tender kiss.

"See you later, Jaz."

"Can't wait to have you back, babe," he replies and kisses me hungrily.

He follows me to the front door and stays in the opening as I walk down the two flight of stairs. He waves at me from the window, and I am almost about to return to his warm embrace, but I keep on walking to the tube and catch a train to the university. On the ride, I think about all the wonderful things I have experienced with Jasper these last two days. We have declared our love, regained our friendship, had fantastic fooling-around-sex and he has come out to his parents and met Alice. It is hard to believe I was very miserable only a few days ago.

…

I find an end seat up front in the auditorium and am happy to see the professor is punctual. The sooner we begin, the sooner I can get out and be home with Jasper. I unpack my laptop to make notes and look at the photo of my boyfriend before the lecture begins. I need to concentrate on the lecture, as I might be writing a comparative essay on Henry James and Oscar Wilde and their homosexuality in the future.

The professor is good, and even though Jasper is on my mind every 10th second, I concentrate on getting some annalistic points written down on my laptop. The professor answers questions from the audience and when the lecture is over, I leave the university as fast as I can.

I am lucky; rush hour has not started when I reach the tube station. I get on the first train and even get a seat. My mind wanders to what Jasper asked me to help him with tonight, and I think I might blush a bit by the images my mind produces. I can certainly feel myself hardening. I place my bag in my lap, so my fellow passengers will not notice my growing problem, and keep thinking about the event until I reach my stop.

It is a bit difficult to exit the train with a hard on, but I think I manage without anyone noticing. Exiting the station, I take two steps at a time, and almost run all the way to my flat. I am not used to running, only some light weight lifting, so I soon find myself out of breath. Maybe it would be a good idea to get in better shape if Jasper and I are going to explore all kinds of physical sex in the future. I should probably buy a treadmill, as I do not really enjoy running in the streets. There is room enough for one in my flat. I also need to look my best now that I have a boyfriend. From now on, the weight lifting and abdominal workout will be a regular exercise too.

I let myself in, and a wonderful smell of Jasper's chili meets me in my hallway. As soon as I close the front door, Jasper comes running towards me and holds me tight against his body.

"God I missed you babe," he says before he claims my lips in a passionate kiss.

"Me too," I say between our heated kiss. He tastes divine of hot chili and Jasper, a mixture I will never get tired of.

"Dinner will be ready in a few and then I can't wait to have you perform what you promised me this morning," he continues and points to the bag from Boots on the sofa table.

Fuck me. I am going to shave my boyfriend's balls tonight!

* * *

A/N

*The song I'm referring to, is Dear Prudence by The Beatles.

The book Jasper bought last chapter is actually a present for Edward, so I'll not spoil his surprise by telling you about it just yet.

…

Hope you liked this rather long and juicy chapter – I would love to hear your thoughts.

...

I'd like to publicly thank the three steady reviewers to my story:

MW3addict: For giving me the first review and liking the boys and their continuous journey.

maryhell: For taking her time to give me advice regarding grammar a few chapters back, and for letting me know how she feels and reacts (lol) while reading my chapters.

TD69: For encouraging me to make Alice a bigger part of this story than planned.

XOXO


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N**

Thanks for the reviews, follows and favorites. They mean a lot to me. I'm always happy to read what you think, so please review, even if it's just to say you enjoy the story.

I do not own Twilight or its characters, Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to take them out to play.

This chapter is also a NSFW one. If you're under 18 or don't like m/m sex, please find your entertainment elsewhere.

* * *

**Chapter 12**

Fuck me. I am going to shave my boyfriend's balls tonight!

…

The chili is delicious and hot, just like my new boyfriend! I cannot get enough of him. Watching his pouty lips as he blows on every spoonful of chili before it enters his sexy mouth, is enough to arouse me.

"What?" he asks jokingly when he catches me staring, "it's too hot for you?"

"No, I just can't seem to take my eyes off of you," I sigh.

"Later on you can take my clothes off too," he laughs sweetly, but I can tell the thought of me ripping his clothes off, turns him on.

…

"She's some character, Alice; I mean… did she really buy all this stuff for us? Some of it is rather daring," Jasper says as we resign to the sofa after the dinner.

"Yeah, she's strange alright, but also my best friend here in London."

I reach for the bag with the things she brought, and empty the content on the table in front of us. Some of the natural looking unwrapped dildos bounce when they land. We both giggle. It feels weird and arousing at the same time, to look at the content together with Jasper.

"Have you ever used toys like these before?" Jasper asks me as he grabs hold of a packet of butt plugs.

"No. The only things I've been in contact with are lube and condoms."

Jasper looks a bit confused by my answer, "Oh, I thought you said you were a virgin?"

"I _am_ a virgin. I just tried them on… you know, to see what they feel like and figure out what size I should buy. You… have you tried condoms?"

"A few times, for practice like yourself. Lube, of course, but sometimes I just use conditioner or baby oil!" He replaces the butt plugs with one of the smaller dildos and continues, "However, I've never used anything like this. Maybe we should bring one to the bedroom tonight, or is that too soon?"

I find it hard to swallow, let alone answer him when I watch the dildo in his hands. "I don't know. Let's see after the little job I'm to perform. Maybe we could just use fingers to begin with?"

Now it is Jasper, who has a hard time focusing. He is biting the bottom of his lip and I can see the lust shining from his eyes.

"What about the DVD's? Should we watch one?" I ask as I pick one with two boys on the cover. The title is "Schoolboy crush" and the back cover states the boys are real boyfriends. It looks like it is perhaps suitable for us, inexperienced as we are. Of course, I know the boys in the film eventually will fuck, as I hope Jasper and I will do, eventually. However, I do hope there will be some foreplay before the boys in the movie get to it.

"Yes, let's watch a bit of it before we move on to tonight's job," Jasper says with a dimpled smile.

…

The boys in the movie are cute, and they do look like they care for one another for real. There is a lot of kissing, touching and removals of clothes, before they catch up with things Jasper and I have already done. Jasper moves closer to me on the sofa, and starts kissing my neck and nibbling my ear, while his hand moves closer, and closer to my crotch. His actions send chills down my spine and the moans coming from the boys in the movie, soon blend with my own. I find it harder and harder to concentrate on the movie, as Jasper's hand finally strokes my jeans covered erection.

I now pay full attention to Jasper and turn around to straddle him. Our groins grind together, and he removes my T-shirt. His thumbs brush over my nipples, and they both harden from his touch. I rest my forehead on his shoulder, and inhale his intoxicating fragrance. God, he smells like heaven. I cannot see the television from my new position, but I can tell from the sounds the boys are making; they now have reached territory Jasper and I have yet to explore!

Jasper lifts his head towards the TV, and stops paying attention to my nipples for a second. From the aroused expression on his face, I also need to see what the boys are doing, and turn my head around. The dark haired boy is entering the blonde boy's smooth hole with his erected cock in one swift move. They both moan loudly and their eyes close in ecstasy.

"Fuck!" Jasper groans. I slowly turn my head back to him and away from the show in front of us, still rocking my hips back and forth.

"Have you ever thought about if you are a top or bottom?" I ask him almost out of breath, hoping his reply will match my own.

"I think I would like to do both, I guess!" Jasper says as he caresses my cheeks with his thumbs.

"Really? I was hoping you would say that. I can't wait until the day when I'll be able to be inside of you Jasper, but most of all, I can't wait to feel you inside of me!"

"Oh my God, Edward… I can't wait either!" Jasper sighs deeply and moves his hands to my hips. It only takes a few guided thrusts before we both come in our jeans, just in time to witness the bottom shooting his load all over his bare chest.

"Come, let's shower. We still have a job to do," I say as I reach my hand out to Jasper.

…

"You're absolutely sure you want me to do this?" I ask him as we exit my bathroom, a shower and a hand job or two, later.

"Yes, I want to be smooth just like you, and I trust you with my jewels, more than I even trust myself," he convinces me.

"Jasper, you don't have to do this for me. I like your balls just as they are, hairy or smooth, but if you are sure, I'll do it," I state.

He does not answer me with words, just drops the towel wrapped around his slim hips, before he seductively crawls up my bed and reaches for the bag from Boots on my nightstand.

"Okay. We're going to need a towel to place below you, and a bowl of water. I'll get that. Meanwhile, you can unwrap the razor."

I hope I will be able to keep a steady hand during the process. I rarely get any razor cuts when I shave my own balls, but this is a completely different ball game, literally speaking! When I return with the bowl, Jasper has already placed a towel under him and has turned my bed lamp towards the bed. The razor and shaving foam are unpacked and we are ready to perform. It is with a shaky voice I say. "Okay, I've never done this to anyone but myself, so…"

"I should hope not!" Jasper interrupts with a smile and we bot laugh for a bit before I tell him to turn himself towards the light from the lamp.

"I think it would give me better access if you lie down and hold your hands behind your spread knees," I say and nearly combust when he follows my direction. Jasper is lying on my bed with his knees bend, and I can see everything. I mean _everything_. His heavy but flaccid cock, his slightly hairy balls and behind them, his entrance.

"Earth to Edward, come in!" I hear Jasper saying, and I have to shake my head a bit in order to come back to reality.

"Right. Let's do this!" I encourage myself.

I grab the foam and gently spread it over his scrotum, making sure everything is covered. His dick stirs from the touch of my fingers, and I place a light kiss at the tip. "Don't move, okay?" I say as I gently shave his balls with my right hand while the left holds his cock out of the way. I rinse the razor in the water, and repeat the movements until I have shaved his entire sack. When I am done, I rinse the remaining foam off with a wet washing cloth and gently dry him with the towel. I grab a bottle of almond oil from my nightstand, cover my fingers in oil and spread it over his now smooth balls.

Jasper has not said a word during the process, nor have I. It has been the most intimate experience in my life – perhaps his too.

He still holds his legs spread for me and I cannot stop thinking about how it would feel like to lick his balls or even brush his hole with a fingertip. Before I know it, my mouth is acting on its own accord. I place featherlike kisses on his sack and seconds later suck one smooth ball into my wet mouth.

"God, I thought you would never… fuckkkk!" Jasper's back arches from the bed the minute my index finger brush his entrance. "- get to stage four!" he cries out in ecstasy, as I gently circle my fingertip over his smooth hole.

"Which is stage four, Jasper? Me sucking your sack…" I tease before I suck the other ball into my warm mouth, letting it go with a pop, "- or me, finger fucking you?" I have never said anything as daring my entire life and my boldness surprises not only Jasper, but me as well.

"Who fucking cares… just don't stop what you're doing!" His head lifts from the pillow as I gently press the tip of my oily index finger through the first muscles of his tight hole.

"Oh, fuck…" he whines.

I can tell from the swelling of his cock and the moans, he is making, that my finger is a welcome intruder, so I press a bit more. Mesmerized I watch the first two joints of my finger buried inside his warm tight channel, and wonder what it will be like when it is my much larger object, stretching him. I grab the oil bottle as the lube is out of reach and let a few drops run down his scrotum. I almost drag my entire finger out, and when I press back in, I add a second finger.

"Is this okay, please tell me if you want me to stop?" I ask when I can hear Jasper hiss and feel him tense a little at the intrusion.

"Don't stop. Just give me a minute. I've actually never had a full finger, let alone two inside of me before. I might have added the tip, but never this," he says with a hoarse voice.

I have read on different web sites, that it is very important to prepare the bottom before actual penetration and our cock sizes considered, we need to take things slowly when we get to that in the future.

"Okay, you can move your fingers now," he says, and from his voice, I can tell he is more relaxed. "I just need to drop my legs before I get a cramp," he laughs.

My fingers remain inside of him when he lowers his legs and spreads them to the sides. I can actually feel his channel clamping around my fingers during the movements, and wonder what it will be like when it is my cock, and not my fingers he contracts. Apparently, the new angle makes Jasper experience pleasant things too, because he starts squirming and moaning, and asks me to put more pressure on a certain spot deep inside. I have read about the gland, but I have never found my own, so I was beginning to think it might be a tall story. However, the way Jasper reacts, I bet I have found his! I make sure to brush the spot inside that makes him squirm so sexy on my bed repeatedly. His fingers grab the blanket below him, his abs tighten and precum leaks from the tip of his untouched, yet fully aroused dick.

"Come for me, baby. I know you want to," I urge him on, and within seconds I feel his muscles clamp down hard on my fingers as his cock sprays streams of cum onto his stomach. I am completely mesmerized, by watching the orgasm rush through his body, and I cannot wait to see it again, and again, and again. I crawl up his sweaty body, licking a few drops of his essence along the way, before I kiss him deeply.

"I knew those long fingers of yours would be handy," Jasper laughs when he has caught his breath.

…

"Jasper please let me introduce you to your new best friends: Smooth Balls!" I chuckle as I guide his hands down to his crotch a few minutes later.

"Holy shit! I won't ever let the hair grow back. I might be wearing loose pants all the time from now on, so I can say hello all day long. How come no one ever told me about this before?" he asks as he keeps touching his freshly shaved scrotum. "Edward you'll have to show me how to shave myself before I go back, will you do that?"

I take a deep breath before I reply, "Of course. I usually do it during my shower routine. I'll show you tomorrow." For a few hours, I had actually forgotten he has to return to Scotland tomorrow. However, it is very arousing to watch him touch himself, and I hope one of the so-called stages is masturbation. Maybe we can have phone sex when we are apart.

Thinking about the upcoming separation, has a depressing effect on the both of us, and I am pleased when Jasper tries to lighten our moods.

"Okay, the night is still young and you are still hard baby… we better do something about that growing problem down there," Jasper says with a lifted eyebrow and a finger pointed towards the bulge in the towel wrapped around my hips.

"Stage four, let me show you what it's all about," he crookedly smiles while he removes the towel and scopes me up against the stack of pillows on my bed. However, one of the pillows he places under my arse for better access, he explains. He grabs the bottle of oil and evenly covers his fingertips before he asks me to spread my legs for him.

"So fucking sexy… you lying there, all ready for me, baby. I'm gonna make you feel good too."

He does make me feel good, amazingly good actually. He sucks my cock like a lollipop and licks my balls. Finally, when I think I cannot take anymore, the tip of his finger circles my hole, begging for entrance.

"Please Jasper, please…" I encourage him and he obliges. Before long I am begging for more, and when his second finger enters me, I grab my throbbing cock and pump it in rhythm with his working fingers. I can tell Jasper is searching for the famous spot inside of me as well, and it takes me completely by surprise when I suddenly feel the most amazing tingle in all my limps. I know he has found it, and he knows it too. He keeps rubbing that pleasurable spot, until I scream and curse, coming harder as I ever have.

I might have come many times over the years, and a great deal lately, but I will forever count this as my first full body-experienced-orgasm! Jasper looks like the cat that got the cream, all proud of his accomplishment. After some sweet caressing, he cleans my stomach with the damp washcloth from before, and kisses my heated cheek before he goes to the bathroom with the shaving equipment.

"Let´s get some sleep, baby. It's getting late." Jasper says when he returns. I can hardly rise from the bed, my legs still wobbly, but I need to brush my teeth before sleep, so I just about manage to walk to my bathroom.

When I return to the bed, he is already under the covers, but he lifts the sheet and pads the place right in front of him. I crawl in and he turns off the light.

"Goodnight baby, see you tomorrow and forever," he says after we kiss and he pulls me closer to his warm body.

"Goodnight Jasper." In less than 13 hours, he will be back on the bus to Scotland and I do not know how or when we will be able to see each other again!

…

I toss and turn during the night. Thinking about how we will manage to keep our boyfriend relationship working, with more than 300 miles between us. Late into the night, I finally fall asleep and when the first morning light awakes me, I find myself entangled with Jasper. It is as if he is clinging to me, fearing our unavoidable separation.

There are no holidays between now and my Christmas break from university. Two months without seeing Jasper. How will I cope! Maybe I could just go up to him for a long weekend in November, or he could come back to London for a few days. Even if I have classes, we would still be able to see each other in the evenings and nights.

When he wakes up, I will ask him what he thinks will be a plausible solution. Money is no issue. I will gladly pay his bus ticket or even plane ticket, if he is to come down to stay with me once again before Christmas.

I have spent nearly all my Christmases with my mother and her husband at the time, but this year I hope I can spend it with Esme and Carlisle, and Jasper of course. They have invited my mother and me to a highland Christmas more than once, but we have never accepted. My mother hates the cold and usually wet weather in Scotland, and prefers to celebrate the holiday in a sun chair – preferably in the Caribbean or Maldives. I have always wanted to celebrate a more traditional Christmas with a cold outdoor temperature, a decorated tree, turkey and fire roasted chestnuts. It makes me happy, thinking about how wonderful it would be to snuggle with Jasper in front of the huge fireplace in the living room of my family's manor.

I try to lie as still as possible as not to wake Jasper, but he is warm and a curl of his hair keeps tickling my nose. I blow it away a few times, but it keeps falling back in the same position. I have to use my hand to remove it before I sneeze or start giggling. Fortunately, my movement does not wake him and I can remain in our little cocoon a while longer.

His divine scent surrounds me, and I remind myself to ask him to leave behind one of his used T-shirts. I know his smell will evaporate before I see him again, but I will treasure it for as long as possible. Maybe he could even send some used ones down to me with Royal Mail. My own regular deliverance of Jasper-fragrance.

"A penny for your thoughts," Jasper says, and I feel his hot breath on my neck.

"Morning Angel. I was just thinking… about how we'll manage to see each other and stay in touch and… fuck… I don't know how to be without you now that I finally have you," I explain in an almost tearful voice.

Jasper pulls me even closer to his warm body and strokes my messy hair, "Hey, schhh baby. Don't worry. We'll figure it out somehow. You'll think of something. You're the bright one, right?"

"I'm sorry for ruining our last hours with me sobbing like a girl," I sigh. "It just seems like a hopeless situation, even if we will see each other in the holidays. I don't think I can wait as long as Christmas before seeing you again."

"Well, you have your school down here, and since I don't have a proper job or school to attend to, I could move down here, you know?" he suggest with a sweet voice.

"You hate being stuck in a big city Jasper. I could never ask you to move down here, even just for a short time. No, I was thinking I could transfer to Glasgow University for the next semester, I have already asked them to send me application formulas." I explain as I let my fingers intertwine with his soft locks.

"When? You didn't know we would end up as boyfriends before the other night." He asks, sounding surprised.

"I didn't know, but I have always hoped. Besides, I love Carlisle's and Esme's company, and have often thought about spending more time with them… and you of course," I chuckle.

"You'd do that… move to Glasgow in order for us to be closer?" Jasper asks as he takes my face in both hands, making sure I am telling the truth.

"I'd do anything to be closer to you Jaz," I whisper before I invade his sweet mouth. We kiss and explore each other's mouths, while our impatient hands caress and pleasure our heated skin and aching members.

…

After a needed visit to the bathroom, we snuggle up and continue our talk of the future in my bed.

"How much time do we have, I mean what time does your bus back home leave?" I ask, already knowing the dreaded answer.

"It departs at one. We still have some hours before I have to leave. Will you come with me to the coach station Edward?" He asks, nervously biting his plumb lip.

"Of course I will take you to the coach station. I just wish you didn't have to leave already," I reply as I keep staring at his pretty lips.

"Me too, but I promised Esme I would help her tomorrow with the arrival of some new horses, and I wouldn't want to let her down."

"No, I don't want you to either. I'm just being selfish for a moment. I know Esme offered you to work with her horses as a future job if you took some training. Where will you go for that?"

"Oh, I don't know. Jacob recommended the place he went to in Washington. I send them a letter some weeks ago, but I haven't heard from them, so I doubt they'll train me as a horse whisperer. But there are other ways of getting practical horse training. Wouldn't want to leave Scotland now, if you're moving up anyway."

"Jasper you have to promise me you'll go to Washington if they offer you the apprenticeship. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity to learn horse skills from the Native Americans," I state.

"But…"

"No buts. It's four, five months top, right?" I try to sound convincing, and hope my voice does not portray the anxiety I am actually feeling. One thing is coping with the current 300 miles between us. The Atlantic Ocean and all of the US main land, is a completely different matter. Is there even a direct flight from London to a major city in Washington?

"Yeah? Let's not talk about it until we know for certain. Does it bother you I'm not taking an academic degree; that I just like working with horses and my hands rather than using my brain?"

"No. I'll respect your choice no matter what it'll be, and you _do_ have to use your brilliant brain when working with horses Jaz. Don't you ever underestimate yourself."

"Okay. You mentioned something about seeing me at Christmas?" Jasper changes the subject.

I tell him about my Christmas plans, and he shines like a lit Christmas star, until he says, "But that's still two months from now Ed. I don't think I can go on not seeing you for such a long time."

"Me either. I was thinking one of us could visit for a prolonged weekend in November. Then there would only be a month between seeing each other from now and until Christmas. In between we'll email and call each other."

"I'd like that. Have you ever tried to use Skype? I think I could get Bella to help me set it up on my computer, now that I hope she has forgiven me." He says with a mischievous look on his pretty face.

"No I haven't used Skype, but I doubt it's too complicated for two smart guys like us. That'd be great. Then we'll be able to see each other as well."

"I know… I've always wanted to explore the benefits of having a long-distance relationship," Jasper smiles teasingly.

"Benefits? I don't see any benefits with you being miles away instead of within my reach. I need to devour your amazing body and…" That is as far as I get with my skeptical statement before Jasper interrupts me. He starts explaining the next stages of his to-do-list and how manageable they are even if physically separated.

However, I need to have him for real one more time before his bus to Scotland departs in less than four hours.

* * *

**A/N**

Okay we have reached the point where I have no pre-written chapters left. These last weeks, I have edited already written chapters. I hope I'll be able to post a new one next weekend though. However, I might have to skip a weekly update. I have some time off during Easter, and will try to write as much as possible.

The story is ending… 3-4 chapters left, I think.  
Maybe a future-take and some outtakes - depends on you, dear readers.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N**

I do not own Twilight or its characters, Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to take them out to play.

* * *

However, I need to have him for real one more time before his bus to Scotland departs in less than four hours.

…

**Chapter 13**

The hours before we have to leave my flat for the coach station, are some of the hardest I have ever lived. It is as if I am losing all sense of time. On one hand, the hours drag on, on the other they fly by…

I join Jasper in the shower, even though I am tempted to let the smell of him linger to my body a little longer. We take our time, worshiping each other one last time. Our mutual tears mix with the running water, and when our bodies tremble, the cause is not from our releases alone; the realization of our forthcoming physically separation has hit us both hard.

"Edward, I don't think I can leave you," Jasper sighs against my neck.

"I don't want you too, Angel. But we have to stay strong. We _will_ find a way to be together for good." I whisper, trying to calm him.

I turn off the water and we dry ourselves before we walk to my bedroom to get dressed. I take the opportunity to admire the naked physique of my hot boyfriend one last time, before he dresses himself in his usual white American cotton and faded jeans. Jasper collects his discarded clothes from the floor, and I suddenly remember my desire to have one of his used T-shirts here with me.

"Jasper, do you think you could leave one of your T-shirts behind? I would really like to be able to inhale your scent now and then," I ask, a bit afraid he will think me foolish.

"Really? Can I have one of yours too then?" He smiles, and I am glad some of the sadness has left the room.

"Sure. Is there a particular one you'd like?" I ask him, knowing there is no point for me to be specific about his, as they are all similar.

"A used one, no doubt. How about the green one, the one you wore yesterday. It's almost the same color as your beautiful eyes," he flatters.

I cannot help but laugh when we stand in my bedroom exchanging worn T-shirts. It reminds me a bit, of when the football players exchange theirs after a match. We inhale the other part's scent and when our eyes lock, I can tell we both consider whether we have time for a second round.

"Fuck, I nearly forgot," Jasper abruptly says as he storms into my living room. I follow him quickly; not knowing what hit him, and find him on all fours next to my couch. He pulls a large flat object out from underneath and takes a wrapped parcel out of a paper bag. If I am not mistaken, the size and shape resembles the book he bought the other day. He hands it to me and suggests we take a seat on the couch while I unwrap it.

"Jasper you don't have to buy me presents, I already have what I want the most in the world – you," I say as he places it in my lap.

"Well I hope this is more of a mutual present, I just felt like wrapping it. Go on, open it," he encourages with a sweet smile.

"Okay," I say and tear the paper apart. Inside I find an antique photo album. It is the finest quality; leather bound with marbled parchment paper between the cardboard pages, and it is unused.

"Oh, it's beautiful Angel. Just what we need to house all our new photographic memories. Thank you," I smile and pull him closer for a hug and a kiss. It is one of the most well thought presents, I have ever received.

"You're welcome baby. I hope this is just the first in a line of many shared photo albums. Come on, let's christen it. We already have a few Polaroid photos, and I bought a few more sheets from the photo shop while you were at the university yesterday," Jasper enthusiastically says when he places a packet in front of us.

I grab the camera Alice left behind, and we take some more photos of us together and a few where we pose individually. Jasper chooses some to take back home with him and the rest we place in the album.

…

Another hour passes and suddenly it occurs to me, we have not had anything to eat all morning. I make us some sandwiches, but neither of us seem to have any appetite. Instead, I pack them along with some fruit and bottles of water in a bag for Jasper to take with him on the ride.

It is nearly time to leave in order for us to make it to the coach station. Jasper packs the remaining of his stuff in his bag, and I call my local cab company, as I once again do not want to share my emotional state with unknown tube passengers. Upon the arrival of the cab, I lock my door and we walk down the two flights of stairs, hand in hand.

The drive to the coach station is fast due to the lack of rush hour traffic, and for once, I wish the traffic had delayed our journey. Not that I wish for Jasper to miss the bus, only to be able to sit here in the back seat with him just a little while longer. I pay the driver and we exit the car and head for the ticket office.

"One way to Glasgow on the next coach, please." Jasper orders his ticket from a sales woman, or girl would be a better description. I can tell she is finding my boyfriend hot as she starts flirting with him. Jasper, indifferent to other people's attentions, just remains friendly towards her. However, a wave of possessiveness suddenly hits me. I know we are in a public place where we could easily meet prejudice. However, the girl and everyone else come to that, need to know that Jasper is mine. Therefore, I stand real close behind him and lean in to whisper sweet nothings in his ear. Jasper starts giggling and leans back against my chest. I can see the girl has caught my message as she blushes while she hands Jasper his ticket and change, and calls for the next customer.

"Don't start something we can't finish, babe," he moans deeply as we walk towards an empty and remote bench in the waiting area. Suddenly I feel the urge to buy a ticket for myself - then we would be able to give each other road-head on the long journey to Glasgow. The toilets in the waiting area are not an option; they are simply too disgusting. There is nowhere for us to enjoy one last intimate encounter. We simply have to endure the need.

"Will you call me when you're home, Jaz?" I ask with a quiet voice.

"Of course, but I'm spending the night with a friend in Glasgow. The bus arrives close to midnight, and my father will pick me up tomorrow morning. Will you still be awake?" He asks.

"Oh, sorry. I forgot the bus ride is so long, compared to the train. Please call me anyway," I encourage.

"Sure. I'll even text you along the ride," he smiles.

The coach driver signals for the passengers to board the coach and we walk towards the front door.

"I'll just find a seat," Jasper says as he heads for the door. We have five minutes before the bus leaves. When he remerges, we walk along the side of the bus to a spot hidden from most of the people waiting for other coaches and his fellow passengers. They are already making themselves comfortable in their seats.

"Fuck… I don't want you to leave…" I grab hold of him and almost squeeze him in a tight embrace. The tears are now running down my cheeks and making his neck and the hem of his T-shirt wet. He takes my face in his hands and starts kissing the tears away, one by one. A useless job, as they keep falling.

"Believe me babe… I don't want to either." He replies before his mouth finds my trembling lips in a hungry kiss. I inhale his addictive scent and let my fingers slide through his soft curls one last time, before the horn of the bus indicates it is time for him to board.

"I love you Edward, guess I always have. Know I always will. See you baby."

"I love you more than anything Jasper. Always."

I reluctantly let him go from my hold and he gives me a big dimpled smile before he enters the bus. The door closes behind him, and I watch him as he takes his window seat, next to a sweet looking woman in her forties. The engine roars and within seconds, the bus starts moving. I try to keep a brave face as long as Jasper is in view, but as soon as we are no longer able to see one another, I let the tears run freely once more.

…

I know there is a small café around the corner, and I go there and aim directly for the restroom. I close the door to one of the stalls, take a seat on the toilet, and cry my heart out. My cell phone vibrates, letting me know I have incoming messages. I have two new texts - one from Alice from this morning and a brand new from Jasper.

_Miss U already, babe. Thank you for best days of my life… so far. I know we still have the best ones ahead of us. Love you. _

When I finally exit the restroom, the girl behind the counter sends me an odd look. She probably thinks I have a stomach flu or something like that. I order a cup of tea and take a seat while she prepares it. Meanwhile I reread Jasper's sweet text and Alice's as well. She has nothing better to do tonight, than support me, if that is what I need. I let her know I will call her in a few hours. Right now, I am not sure if I will even be up to talking to her.

To Jasper I write _Miss you too. Forever your love._

I walk back to my flat. I have not walked this far for a very long time, but I find it calming and it occupies my mind for some hours.

…

As soon, as I unlock my door, evidences from Jasper's visit meet me. The photo album lies open on the coffee table and his worn T-shirt hang over a dining room chair. I collect it and place it in a new plastic bag, hoping the scent will preserve better this way. In my bedroom, the smell of our sexual activities is very dominating. It would be a wise decision to open a window and air the room, but I need to let myself indulge in our mixed fragrance for a little while. I undress and crawl under the duvet; grab the pillow Jasper used, and inhale his concentrated scent. It is almost as if he was present. I hold the pillow tight and fall into a deep sleep. When I wake, it is dark outside and the alarm clock tells me it is almost seven o'clock.

I forgot to bring my mobile to the bedroom, and when I check for messages, I find a new one from Alice. Once again, I forgot to call her. In the kitchen, I pour myself a large glass of milk and then I dial her number.

"Hello stranger, lover boy whatever… how are you?" She asks as she picks up her phone.

"I've been better Alice. It's only been six hours since he left, and I already miss him like hell. I honestly don't know how I'm going to cope not seeing him for the next month or two," I sigh.

"Do you want me to come over? We could talk or watch a movie if you prefer," Alice asks.

"Thanks, but not tonight Al. Tomorrow afternoon would be better. Are you free?"

"Sure sweetie. You can come by around four o'clock," she replies and we end the call.

…

After the phone call, I go to the kitchen and make myself a sandwich, but only manage to eat half of it. Instead, I pack my messenger bag with the books and papers I need for tomorrow's lecture and study group. I am somehow glad I have plans for tomorrow; otherwise, I would probably just hang around in my flat missing Jasper even more. I log on to my laptop and search for Skype and tips on how to install and use it. When I stumble across a guide on how to have Skype sex, I make sure to bookmark it. I know Jasper is planning for us to do more than just talk, so I had better prepare myself, since I am not very familiar with dirty talking nor sexual posing.

When I am done with my little virtual sex research, it is still too early for Jasper to have reached his final destination. I decide to call my aunt and uncle. Letting them know about my new status – being someone's boyfriend.

"Hello," I hear Esme's sweet recognizable voice as she picks up.

"Hi Esme, it's Edward," I reply.

"Oh hi Edward. What a coincidence. We were just talking about you…"

Oh no, Mr. Whitlock must already have told them about Jasper and I. I had hoped I would be able to tell them myself.

"We just found some of your early drawings in a box. You were a very talented boy, well you still are," Esme says. I doubt my mother has kept any of the drawings or woodwork I made over the years.

"Yeah… Esme, I would really like to celebrate Christmas with you this year if that's okay with you and Carlisle?" I ask.

"You know we would love to you have you with us Edward. Have you told Elisabeth, will she be joining us too?"

I doubt she will. I will know soon enough, when I call her later tonight.

"I haven't asked her yet. Esme, is Carlisle there with you?" I ask. I want to tell them I am gay, when they are together.

"Yes, he's sitting in his favorite chair drinking his latest brew. Why, do you want to speak with him?"

"I have something I'd like to tell the both of you… can you put me on speaker?"

"Sure honey, hold on a sec."

I hear some noises and next thing Carlisle announces his presence.

"Carlisle, Esme… I am gay." There, I said it. Was not too hard.

"We know Edward. We're so proud of you for telling us."

They know. Well I suspected Esme knew due to the way she encouraged Jasper to come and see me, but Carlisle…

"And I have a boyfriend. It's actually Jasper," I announce.

"Oh dear, I'm so happy for the both of you, Edward. He's a darling boy. I knew the two of you would figure everything out once he realized he has feelings for you too. I've known how you feel about him for years, but I wasn't completely sure about Jasper. I guess he came and stayed with you for a couple of days then?"

"Yes. He's returning to Glasgow as we speak though. I hope we'll be able to have a long-distance relationship going the next couple of months, as I can't transfer to Glasgow University until the next semester," I say.

"So Edward, it's not just your old aunt and uncle you want to celebrate Christmas with?" I hear Carlisle chuckle.

"For once I just want to celebrate it with all my favorite people," I say, really meaning the statement.

"You know you're more than welcome. Please consider staying for New Year as well. Edward, Carlisle wants to speak with you, privately, so I'm going to say goodbye now, and leave you two to some male talk or whatever he's planning," Esme announces.

Not again. I still recall last time Carlisle gave me the sex talk. I wonder what contributions he actually has to gay sex.

"Hi Edward. I'm happy for you and Jasper. I sensed something was bothering both of you during this year's summer stay, and I'm glad you have figured everything out. Has Jasper told his parents yet, and what do they say?"

"Yes, he called them the other night. They are accepting of him being gay. However, I don't know if they'll think it's okay for us to spend the nights together during my stay. Not that we have… I mean, slept together… yet." Fuck! This is awkward. Having this talk with my uncle. I feel just like I did back when we last had this conversation. I hope I will not sport another gigantic pimple.

"Okay, but I guess you have fooled around a bit? Anal penetration can be very painful if you're not preparing your partner correctly. It can also be very pleasurable, if you do. Remember, there's no rush. Take your time and make sure you are both mentally and physically ready before you have intercourse, son."

Anal penetration. I have to swallow a few times before I am able to continue our conversation. The visuals of Jasper and I having real sex suddenly occupies my mind. I think we will be ready both mentally and physically real soon.

"Thanks Carlisle. We will. I've found some information on the internet, and they are very helpful. So, it would be all right if Jasper spends the nights in my room during my stay, if his parents accept," I ask.

"Yes Edward. You're both adults, so you are allowed to stay in the same room when you are staying here. Just remember to be careful. Always use lube and condoms," Carlisle suggests.

"Yes. I love you, you and Esme. You're the parents I always dreamed of having," I suddenly say. I have never told them about the parents-part before, but I guess they might have felt my love, being stronger than normal, between a nephew and his aunt and uncle.

"We love you too Edward. Always have and always will. You're like the son we never had. Whenever you need guidance or help, you know where to find us. We'll always be here for you," Carlisle says with a moved voice.

"I know. Thank you. I better call my mother now, and let her know about my Christmas plans. Talk to you soon Carlisle."

"Take care Edward. Bye."

"Bye." I hang up. The call went far better than I had anticipated… apart from the little anal talk. Why does Carlisle know anything about anal penetration? Jesus, I hope he and Esme are not performing … oh no, I cannot even think about it. However, he is very accepting of my sexual orientation, so I have to be open minded about his and Esme's as well. I recall Jasper telling me about the couple he watched in Texas. Maybe, heterosexual couples actually enjoys anal sex too.

…

I cannot wait to tell Jasper about my Christmas plans. I figure I had better call my mother and let her in about my arrangements, and tell her I am gay as well. It is almost midnight in Monaco where she is currently staying, but she rarely goes to bed before two or three in the morning anyway. Either, she will be out with friends or entertaining guests herself. I use my landline to call her mobile and am surprised when she answers after the second ring. There is soft music playing in the background, but I cannot hear the usual buzz of people talking.

"Hi, it's Edward… your son?" I have to specify which Edward, as she is quite for some time after my name presentation alone. One would think any mother could recognize her child's voice no matter what, but mine apparently being the one exception.

"Darling! How are you doing… is the weather dreadful as usual? Oh, you should see the moon I'm watching right now…" It takes a good five minutes before she stops babbling and asks for my reason to call.

When I planned this coming-out-phone-call, I pictured it being easy admitting I am gay like it did with my other family; it actually turns out to be harder than I thought. It probably has something to do with my mother being egocentric.

"I'd like to spend Christmas with Esme and Carlisle this year, if that's okay with you?" I say, stalling the real reason for my call.

"Whatever for darling? Aro and I have already booked a Caribbean cruise for Christmas and New Year, and we want you to come along as usual. This year Aro's nieces Kate and Irina are joining us too. They are so sophisticated and one of them might just be right for you and…"

No, no, no! I have to stop her. Here we go…

"I'm gay, mother," I interrupt, while I have the courage.

That silenced her… but only for a little while.

"Oh my god Edward… that's wonderful… I know this amaaaazing designer… You and Caius need to meet. He would be the perfe…"

Well I am glad my mother accepts who I am, but I do not need her to play matchmaker - I am capable of finding my own boyfriend. I already have an amazing boyfriend.

"I already have a boyfriend mother, and that's the reason why I want to celebrate Christmas in Scotland this year," and preferable all Christmases to come, I smile to myself.

"Really, did you meet a nice boy this summer? Tell me about him, is he a little lord, a law student or maybe even…"

"It's Jasper. It has always been and always will be Jasper," I state.

"Jasper? Sounds like you've known him for some time. Do I know him?"

"Jasper Whitlock! His dad works for Esme, helping with the horses. Don't you remember him? I used to play with him every summer during my stays." It suddenly dawns on me how little my mother actually knows of my life, and how little attention she pays to the details I tell her. I know for sure I have told her about Jasper, and she has meet him the few times she visited during my long summer stays.

"No, I don't remember him. Don't sell yourself short Edward. There are plenty of suitable young men amongst the right people to choose from," she dictates.

"I don't want anyone else but Jasper, mother. Please cancel my cruise ticket. I will be spending Christmas with my family and Jasper in Scotland," I say with a firm voice.

"Okay Edward. I only want what's best for you. I have to go now. Aro is mixing new drinks. I might be coming to London to do some Christmas shopping in the first week of December. I'll let you know darling. Byeeee"

I am not sure the coming out confession went as I had hoped, but at least she is not appalled and I think she accepted my cruise refusal.

Tomorrow I will call Bella. Then I figure all the important people whom need to know about my boyfriend-status, are informed. I remind myself to give Laurent a call as well. If I forget, I am sure Alice will bully me.

…

I prepare for bed and air my bedroom while I use the bathroom. Next to my blue toothbrush, I find Jasper's green one. I smile when I notice how well they suit one another. Just like Jasper and I. I am sure he just forgot to pack it along with his other toiletries, but I like to think of it as a sign of him returning.

Back in bed, I replace my pillow with the one Jasper used. It still holds his scent and I sigh deeply when I let my head sink down on it. It is almost midnight now, and my mobile phone lies next to me. I have forgone the pajama tonight, and I let my fingers wander to all the places Jasper touched these last days. My dick stirs, but I ignore the friction it so badly needs. Instead, I touch the sensitive spot behind my ear, the backside of my knees, my inner thighs and my lightly swollen lips. Newfound erogenous zones Jasper's fingers and lips tenderly caressed and worshiped multiple times, bringing me unknown pleasure.

The thought of him is nearly enough for me to come. My phone interrupts my thoughts and lets me know he has arrived to Glasgow. I read his short text _Are you still awake babe?_ Before I speed dial his number.

"Hi," I say when he picks up immediately.

"Hi. Did I wake you?" God it is amazing to hear his sweet voice.

"No. I'm in bed, but I was waiting for your call. How was the journey?"

"Long. I might take the train the next time. Wish I were lying there next to you instead of crashing on Alistair's couch," he sighs, sounding tired. I guess he must be after the 11-hour ride. I at least had a nap earlier. I do not know this Alistair, but I figure he is an old school friend. I trust Jasper and I will not let another insignificant person ruin our relationship.

"Me too," I yawn. "Sorry, didn't mean to sound bored, when I'm pleased to hear from you," I apologize.

"No offence taken, babe. I'm worn as well… in more than one way," he yawns back.

"T.M.I. Jasper." I hear Alistair, I presume, shout in the background.

Jasper chuckles upon his friend's remark and continues, "I'll call you tomorrow when I'm back in my own room, okay? Sleep tight babe. I love you."

"Goodnight Jasper, sweet dreams," I whisper.

"They'll be sweet alright, as I'll be dreaming about you, but I can't promise you they'll be innocent though," he teases and we both laugh.

We do not want to end the call, but after some tender words, we finally hang up and I go to sleep… dreaming about my sexy angel.

* * *

**A/N**

The book Jasper bought turned out to be a scrapbook like some of you guessed. I must confess I considered making it a Kama Sutra instead, as some suggested. Lol. Maybe Jasper will buy a copy later on…

Now the boys are apart, but I promise this is a HEA story. See you soon


End file.
